McCain and Palin! Live at the Blue Note!

OK, their policy proposals may be whacked and their campaign may be floundering (or maybe not), but, wow, can John McCain and Sarah Palin carry a tune! And we're not talking "Three Blind Mice" here—we're talking Ella- and Satchmo-worthy off-the-cuff scatting. Considering how they've clearly been improvising on the campaign trail, I guess their vocal improvisation abilities shouldn't be all that surprising.

Man, John and Sarah, y'all are some real gone cats. Swing daddy (and hockey mommy), swing!

And check out this dynamic collaboration between Palin and Katie Couric, giving Monk and Coltrane a run for their money.

h/t: NYC jazz pianist Henry Hey, for turning lemons into lemonade.

New Tennessee State Motto: "Just for the hack of it!"

Murfreesboro resident Josh Holly (using the alias TrainReq) bragging to a Phoenix radio station about hacking Miley Cyrus' email account

So I'm strolling the information superhighway this morning, looking to pilfer some sad-sack reporter's many hours of work so I can spend 20 minutes turning it into a couple of paragraphs of pithy commentary, and what should catch my eye but this tiny nugget from NewsChannel 5. Murfreesboro resident Josh Holly claims to have hacked Miley Cyrus' email account and stolen private photos, and he's been bragging about it online for months now (under an alias, natch).

Apparently his claims have some merit. Holly told Wired magazine blog Threat Level that the FBI raided his Murfreesboro home Monday morning, seizing three computers and Holly's phone. All of this in the wake of the arrest of University of Tennessee student David Kernell last month in connection with the hacking of Republican VP candidate Sarah Palin's Yahoo! email account.

So it got me to thinking: With the last two notorious celebrity email hacks coming from the Volunteer State, maybe we should use our computer-savvy spirit to reinvent our state image. No longer would we have to be pigeonholed as redneck ignoramuses. I figured maybe it was time to propose a new state motto: "Just for the hack of it."

Then I realized I didn't even know Tennessee's current state motto.

Pat Boone, Everyone's Favorite Gay-Bashing, Darwin-Denying Crooner, Today at Ernest Tubb Record Shop!

Homophobe Pat Boone: Methinks He Doth Protest Too Much

Ah, what glorious times these are. Sure, our economy is imploding. Still, back in 2004, I didn't have the slightest inkling that—just four short years later—the divisive, homophobic, warmongering, Darwin-denying Neanderthals of the extreme right would be cowering with their tails between their legs, and that the majority of Americans would be ignoring their commie-fearing, Obama-smearing screams that the sky is falling.

So what better time to pay tribute, in person, to one of the far right's poster boys, Pat Boone, who will be signing his new CD The True Spirit of Christmas at Ernest Tubb Record Shop down on Lower Broad?

Though Boone's album of heavy metal covers, In a Metal Mood: No More Mr. Nice Guy, had us tipping our hats to his lighthearted attempt at self-parody just a decade ago, his increasingly hate-filled, anti-evolution, homophobic, paranoid rants of the last couple of years have decimated any goodwill we had toward him.

In the last few weeks alone, he's decried the moral decay of our great republic (including the line, "...they increasingly decree that grade-school children, even pre-schoolers, be indoctrinated with an appreciation for homosexuality"); defended Sarah Palin as a helpless victim (and referred to Democrats as "the liberal, sophisticated victims of the Obama virus spreading across the country"); and asked, "Are we ready for a gay America?"

And that's not mentioning his antics in last year's Kentucky gubernatorial election. Boone recorded a robo-call message bashing Democratic candidate Steve Beshear, saying that Beshear would work for "every homosexual cause," and asking, "Now do you want a governor who'd like Kentucky to be another San Francisco?" (Kentucky should only be so lucky.) You can read about and hear the robo-call, which was sent out across the state, here.

So hurry on over to Ernest Tubb Record Shop now and show him some good ol' socialist-promoting, America-hating man love! That's 2-4 p.m. today, at 417 Broadway.

If TV Title Cards Actually Told the Truth

Hat tip to El Zorro for passing along this very funny Glark assemblage of bogus TV title cards, doctored to reflect the actual content of the shows. (Best in show: Lost, Heroes and Mad Men.)

Scene Exposé: Obama's Nashville Link to Acorn

Sen. Barack Obama leaving Acorn several months ago

An unnamed source close to Barack Obama's campaign has confirmed the presidential candidate has close personal ties to Acorn, and in fact has dined at the 28th Avenue eatery on several occasions during visits to Nashville.

According to the source, Obama's ties to Acorn began during his days as a community gourmandizer in Chicago, where he frequented many of the tonier establishments along that city's Magnificent Mile.

In fact, in an interview last month on the Scene's food blog, Bites, Acorn chef Andy Hunter hints at the restaurant's link to the Obama campaign. Despite Hunter's best efforts, he barely conceals his liberal agenda, making several references to pork, promoting an author from France (!), noting that "simplicity is elegant" (a clear defense of Obama's elitism) and discussing Fat Mo (as in the big momentum Obama is carrying into the election).

At a recent visit, Obama exhibited his penchant for liberal spending. For appetizers, the candidate had the acorn squash (during which he made a joke about "squashing the McCain campaign") and the Korean barbecue beef wraps (a clear attempt to appease Kim Jong-il), followed by the Acorn Caesar. (Et tu, Barack?) For his entrée, Obama ordered the grilled filet of beef. (Here in America we call it "steak," Senator.) According to the server, when asked how he'd like his beef cooked, he responded, "I'll have my meal without any preconditions."

Ironically, the last time Obama ate at Acorn, John McCain was eating what campaign aides say was "a man-sized Porterhouse" just a few blocks away at Jimmy Kelly's Steakhouse. When the Scene showed the Arizona senator Acorn's imaginative menu, he remarked, "It's radical food for a radical candidate who hangs out with ’60s radicals."

Local Songwriter Asks, "Will It Get Me on the Cover of the Nashville Scene?"

Witness local songwriter Ken Hart performing his song "Nashville Scene" at Norm's River Roadhouse last month.

By the way, Ken, the answer to your question is: No, but it will get you on the blog of the Nashville Scene.

Barack Obama Is Here to Kick Ass and Chew Bubblegum...And He's All Out of Bubblegum

An amusing viral Obama ad, cleverly staged as a parody of John Carpenter's awesome sci-fi satire They Live. Maybe someone will make a sequel where Obama pummels Biden for 10 straight minutes of screen time until he puts on the shades.

The 401-Keg Investment Plan

That's what I'd call a nest egg

As the Dow plunges and investors scoop up stocks shedding value after a week of losses, there seems only one safe bet these days: Beer. I’m not talking about alcoholic escapism. Compared to WorldCom, Enron, or Delta Airline stocks, beer cans are a better investment. Call it the 401-Keg Plan.

A friend of mine who used to work for a hedge fund in Dallas sent me these figures: If you invested $1,000 in WaMu, you'd have $91.28 now. If you invested $1,000 in Freddie Mac, you’d have $21.29. A stockholder with $1,000 in Fannie Mae would be lucky to have $20 left. If, Heaven forbid, you owned some United Airlines stock when they declared bankruptcy six years ago, well, you get the idea.

Ah, but beer, on the other hand, is a sounder purchase than any of these investments. If you drank $1,000 worth of beer last year, then turned the cans into an aluminum recycler for the refund, you’d have $214 and a fun year. So drink up!

Harry Smith Records Country Tune, Changes Name to Bocephus

As soon as Bob Schieffer scooted his boots at the Ryman, we just knew trouble was a-brewin' in hillbilly heaven. And sure enough: here's The Early Show co-anchor Harry Smith closing up the honky-tonks with his "The Red State, Blue State Blues," recorded here with country singer Sarah Darling and her Black River Music Group label chief Jimmy Nichols. It made its world premiere Wednesday on the show.

The verdict? On the scale of political novelty tunes by vacationing network newsmen, it's not bad—somewhere between Walter Cronkite's "Wisconsin Delegation Polka" and Howard K. Smith's "Our Love's in the Tank (With Mike Dukakis)." But it's not a rump-rocker on the order of MC Morley Safer's "Bitches in the Front, Bush Doctrine in the Rear."

John McCain's Last Best Hope: Doyle and Debbie

With John McCain's campaign on life-support, and with the Straight Talk Distress, er, Express in Nashville for tonight's debate, we offer the Millionaire Maverick what we feel could be the maverickiest campaign theme song around: "God Loves America Best," courtesy of Music City's own Doyle and Debbie, who can be found most Tuesday evenings at the Station Inn.

Jewel of Denial

Are Nashvillians so butt-ugly that Nashville Lifestyles magazine has to pick a ringer for the title of Nashville's Most Beautiful Person? Somehow or another, pop-star-turned-country-singer Jewel has managed to snow our town into thinking she's a Nashvillian—even though she doesn't actually, uh, live in Nashville. And Nashville Lifestyles, a property of The Tennessean, chose her for the cover shot and feature story of its "Nashville's 25 Most Beautiful People" issue.

Now some of you are going to claim this is a case of sour grapes, as inside sources have revealed that I have finished 26th on the list for three years in a row, but I swear this isn't personal. The really weird part is that the magazine clearly states that she's not a Nashvillian:

We love that while she spends as much time as she can with her new husband on their Texas ranch (she just got married to rodeo star Ty Murray), she also frequents Nashville often and serves as a judge on Nashville Star.

In the quote below, Jewel clearly states that she stays in a hotel while she's here. (We've heard she favors The Hermitage.)

In Nashville, I like to do an urban run from the hotel where I stay downtown, across the Shelby Street Pedestrian Bridge, around the stadium, over the bridge on the other side, then down by the Tennessee Bi-Centennial Memorial, up the stairs of the capitol building, along the War Plaza, and back up to the hotel.

In fairness to the magazine, Jewel's MySpace page lists her hometown as Nashville. Furthermore, this isn't the first local magazine to cite Jewel as a celebrity Nashvillian. Some other Nashville rag made the same error in a story just a couple of weeks ago. And they too featured her visage on the cover, in an image parodying Alan LeQuire's "Musica" sculpture. Whoever copy-edited that story should be fired immediately.

A Sin Tax on Meat: The PETA Pigs are Coming to Nashville

Say what you want about PETA, but the pro-vegetarian, anti-animal cruelty group conducts the best political theater in America.

The PETA pigs will be in town for the presidential debate next week, urging the candidates to step on global warming by taxing meat, which it contends is one of the leading causes of said warming. While we can't quite agree with placing a sin tax on meat--cleanup hitter in the food chain and divine proof of a beneficent God--we'll hand the mic to PETA so the group can make its own case:

Meat is a leading cause of global warming and causes heart disease and several types of cancer—which drives health-care costs through the roof. According to a recent U.N. study, raising animals for meat is responsible for more greenhouse-gas emissions than all the cars, trucks, SUVs, ships, and planes in the world combined. PETA is calling on the government to end its millions of dollars in wasteful subsidies of the meat industry's unhealthy products and to tax meat at 10 cents per pound to offset its staggering costs, just as alcohol, tobacco, gasoline, and other items are subject to a "sin" tax.

"The impact of the meat trade is as devastating to our health as that of the tobacco and alcohol industries put together—and even more so to the environment," says PETA spokesperson Nicole Matthews. "Slapping a tax on meat would save countless lives—and not just those of animals."

Mindy McCready: Music Career Implosion 101

With Mindy McCready heading to a Tennessee jail tomorrow to serve a 60-day sentence for probation violation, these scenes from Naked Nashville—a terrific 1998 British documentary about Nashville's country music industry—seem particularly prescient. After a brief bout with celebrity in the late '90s, McCready's career took a nosedive as she battled drug problems and other personal demons, including two suicide attempts. Celebrity self-destruction is not uncommon, but seeing its beginnings on video is rare indeed.

The above video from Naked Nashville starts with McCready's tour bus waiting on the bratty then-21-year-old, who's always running late. Things get interesting at about 5:05 into the video. Reba McEntire talks about the political nature of being a woman in country music—"You don't scream, you don't holler, you don't throw tantrums, you don't bitch about stuff.... You've got little eyes watching you all the time"—immediately followed by a scene of McCready in her hotel room throwing a tantrum, bitching and refusing to go to soundcheck. At 7:25, over footage of McCready lying on her hotel bed blowing bubbles and watching TV, Reba says:

"There's one rule: Work hard. Continue to work hard. And keep working hard. If you slough off, if you think, 'Well, I can back off just a little bit,' there's just 8 million people out there that's wantin' to take your place. They're just waiting for you to just kind of slack off just a little bit so they can run past you. And they'll do it."

At the moment, we're trying to finish an album. At the moment, Mindy is in L.A. with [actor Dean Cain, then McCready's boyfriend].... There is a Christmas season coming up that Mindy has to understand.... If you miss Christmas, you miss 60 percent of the year in terms of sales. It also means that, once her album doesn't come out, she no longer qualifies for the Grammies, she won't qualify for the American Music Awards because she won't have any new product. [Cue ominous music] And in our business, out of sight, out of mind. So Mindy has to make a choice what she wants to do. And that if she chooses not to do that, she's made a major mistake, because the window is now. It's not a year from now. It's not six months from now. It is now.

It's easy to drink in the schadenfreude when a celebrity self-destructs. But coming from a broken family and then obtaining success at such an early age was in this case a recipe for disaster. Maybe 60 days in the hole will give her time to reflect and get her life back on track.

Hitler: 'I miss Ainge'

Before the Nashville gas crisis, Hitler was astounded by Tennessee's loss to UCLA. "I MISS AINGE!"

Red State Update: Say It Ain't So, Oprah!

Jackie Broyles and Dunlap are definitely not down with OPP—Oprah's Palin Policy. They do, however, approve of John McCain's surefire strategy for looking younger.

And speaking of talk shows, Red State Update is hosting a town-hall meeting Oct. 6 at the Belcourt, the day before the Belmont presidential debates. If you're uncommitted about going, these two words should dimple your chad: puppet show!

Nashville's Gas Crisis: Inside the Metro Bunker?

Whoever produced this deserves a MacArthur genius grant. Watch it all the way through, unless you start to hyperventilate.

Todd Palin: Greta Van Susteren Appears to Have a Fetish for the 'First Dude'

A amusingly spliced video from Greta Van Susteren's interview with Todd Palin.

Amerijericho: Creating a New Christian Nation in Tennessee

What will happen when some nice Unitarians move in?

James Reesor wants to create a Christian nation based in Tennessee to serve as “a sanctuary from political corruption, economic instability and cultural degeneration.” But before you tune up your Nutbag Detector, hear him out. He actually has some interesting ideas.

His motivation, of course, is nothing new. CliffsNotes version: The world is turning to #%&#. We need a place of our own.

So Reesor, by turns cook and fringe gubernatorial candidate, is urging his brethren of faith to move to Tennessee (or the 10 surrounding states) to form Amerijericho.

Brooke Hogan on the Folly of a Female President

Excuse us for a moment while we turn Pith over to a political commentator of higher esteem. Of course, we're speaking of Brooke Hogan, the noted armchair philosopher, would-be singer, and star of the searing reality drama Brooke Knows Best. According to Her Brookeness, women are biologically unsuited for the presidency due to their inability to command their hormones. That's obvious, isn't it?

George W. Gets a Lecture from Jesus

For today's diversion, we present Fun with War Crimes, an online sitcom of sorts where the Bush administration is tried for war crimes. It's not exactly killer comedy -- think of Saturday Night Live on an off night. (Is that redundant?) But in episode 5 (above), tribunal chairman Abraham Lincoln calls Jesus to the stand.