Nashville Scene - Pith in the Wind

The State of Dean's Speech is....Crapalicious

2008-05-16 15:40:11

Well, the reviews are in—Mayor Karl Dean's State of the Metro Address has been panned by both the City Paper and the Scene, the two papers that actually follow local politics. The address was bland, unchallenging and had several head-scratching moments, which we mock and ridicule after the jump.

]]> State of Metro Address
By Mayor Karl Dean
May 13, 2008

"...For example, the Maplewood Panthers outplayed all but one other class 4A football team in the state this past year. They made it to the championship game. I asked the Panthers team captains Chris Simpson, Tyrone Vanlier and Lester Blanton to join us here today, along with Head Coach Ralph Thompson, Assistant Coach Brandon Woods and the principal of Maplewood, Dr. Julie Williams. Please stand and accept our congratulations for a great season." (So we're recognizing the losing team of the worst high school in the state, instead of heaping praise on an honored teacher or a Harvard-bound student? Thanks, Education Mayor.)

"...Public safety must also be a focus of our government. Our city is safer than it has been in 17 years. Crime has been down for four consecutive years and so far this year the trend continues. Public safety is something we have to stay focused every single day. And the men and women who put their lives on the line to keep us safe know this better than anyone." (This paragraph is so vague and bland, Dwight Lewis just might plagiarize it.)

"...Here in Nashville, not only do we have police officers who are highly skilled at their jobs, but we have police officers who represent the spirit of our city—a friendly, compassionate city. David Washington and Jamell Randall from the East Precinct are two officers who went above and beyond." (Finally, some excitement! Let's see what these two heroes did!) "Over the Thanksgiving holiday, these two officers stopped to help a family with a flat tire. They were traveling through town on their way home to Illinois. They had no spare tire or the resources to buy one. Officer Randall found a hotel willing to offer a discounted rate, and Officer Washington returned with a tire and tools while off duty the next day. Please join me in thanking these officers and all of our Metro Police officers for their service to our city."

(That's it? They changed a damn tire? Didn't anyone solve a murder, apprehend a mugger, bust a shoplifter, anything? This is the best of the best? Note to Dean: there's a reason you aren't an advisor on The Shield.)

"A safe city means less crime." (Jesus. Did we really elect Dean so we could hear Clement's speeches?) "It also means fire protection and knowing when someone in your family needs emergency medical services that there’s enough ambulances on our streets to get them help in time. (Dean guest-lectured at Maplewood, right? That explains the drop-out rate.)

"Education, public safety, and the third leg of the stool—economic development. Those are the issues that are most important." (Oh, yeah—I remember reading this observation. In the April 1988 issue of Duh.)

"Although times are tight, we know that will not always be the case. To take a line from our governor, 'the business cycle has not gone away.' " (For the record: the man just cited the rhetorical firepower of Phil Bredesen. That's like opening Bartlett's and quoting the copyright page.) "We may not be able to do everything we want now, but with smart fiscal management, we will have the opportunity to do them tomorrow. (Listen closely, and you can almost hear the Mick Fleetwood drum solo.)

"Ladies and gentlemen, as we approach the mid-point of 2008, the state of Metro is good." (And the state of his constituents' asses is now officially asleep.)
"If you’ve spent any time traveling around town this Spring, you can’t help but feel good about where we are as a city." (Unless you were traveling by car, in which case you're broke.)

"It’s all about Nashville being a livable city. Livable cities are walkable. They have open spaces. They also have clean air, clean water, transportation infrastructure and an energy use profile that allows us to maintain our quality of life and pass it along to future generations." (Want to improve our quality of life? Try these four words: "Thank you, and goodnight.".)

"Our libraries, under the direction of Donna Nicely, are another incredible resource for our city. That is one of the reasons I wanted to meet today in this room, to showcase what I believe is one of the grandest spaces in our city. Our libraries serve a growing number of our citizens every year. Our library system is a true gem that we must continue to support." (Except come budget time.) "Sports is another thing that is generating excitement in our city." (Glad something is.) "Watching the Titans go to the playoffs. Watching Vanderbilt compete at the highest levels in baseball and basketball. Watching the incredible Battle of the Boulevard rivalry between Belmont and Lipscomb in basketball. Watching the inspiring Belmont/Duke NCAA game. Watching a TSU cornerback be the first pick for the Arizona Cardinals in the NFL draft last month—something that hasn’t happened to a TSU Tiger since Ed 'Too Tall' Jones was picked by the Dallas Cowboys in 1974. Watching Nashville’s own Brandt Snedeker compete in the Masters.
This has been a great year in Nashville if you’re a sports fan, but I don’t think anything got us as excited as watching the Preds come back from incredible adversity to have a storybook season. Having new, local owners now in control and steadfast fans that love hockey and love having hockey in Nashville, has been one of the best things about this past year. And I’m delighted to note that Predators Coach Barry Trotz is here today. Thanks, Coach, for a great year." (Coach? Coach? Is he still awake at this point?)

"As you think about Nashville, think about this…in just a few short years we will have a new convention center south of Broadway. A visitor it brings to our city will walk out its front doors. They’ll turn left and see ahead of them the Country Music Hall of Fame, the Schermerhorn Symphony Center, and maybe one day a new Gospel Music Hall of Fame. They’ll walk down the street, head towards the river and come upon Riverfront Park, recently expanded—full of children playing, walkers and joggers on a floating boardwalk, boaters and kayakers. And possibly, in the distance, they’ll hear a crowd cheering at an afternoon double-header." (It'll be in the distance, all right. Can you hear Atlanta from Riverfront Park?)

"If that same visitor came out of the convention center and headed south toward the Gulch, they’ll see people, hundreds of them, living there and shopping there. Perhaps they’ll see my daughters in Urban Outfitters." (After this speech, perhaps we'll see you there as a mannequin.)

"Our urban core is becoming more interesting and diverse. And we’re attracting the types of people—young people, creative people, smart people—that want to live in a city like Nashville and that will bring the energy, the talent and the resources Nashville needs to continue to succeed." (And can hopefully help me write my next State of the Metro Address.) "It’s something that we don’t acknowledge enough—that these are the types of people that have made us known as Music City U.S.A. and as the healthcare capital of the world. We attract entrepreneurs and artists full of intellectual capital. They’ve given us our heritage, our diverse economy. We need to recognize that and nurture it." (Just not with any budget money.)

"Let me stop for a moment and recognize some other people who are listening to this speech today." (This one goes out to Mt. Olivet.) "They’re not here in this room, but they’re watching…students in their classrooms at Hillsboro, Antioch, Hillwood, Pearl-Cohn, Whites Creek and Stratford high schools. Among them are many seniors. And I want to give sincere congratulations to the graduating class of 2008—the students who are now within days of finishing their high school careers. Many of you will go on to further your education, others to the workplace, all of you have made us proud."

"Education is my top priority. It’s the top priority for the Metro Council. It’s the governor’s top priority. When you think about it, that’s a pretty amazing fact, that we all share the same top priority—education. Why is that?

"The answer is those students in their classrooms today. Each of them deserves the best shot possible at a successful life. And more than that, the welfare of our city is dependent upon them becoming contributing members to our society." (Or at least Metro Council members.)

"There are many, many good things going on in our schools today. (Except in the cafeterias.) We have improved our graduation rate from 58 percent several years ago to more than 70 percent today, and that number could go up again as we approach this year’s graduation. (Hooray! Only a third of our students are falling by the wayside!)

"The young man who dropped out, he told me he knew he had made a mistake. But the amazing thing about young people is that they will always strive to meet the expectations that are set for them—no matter how high. The challenge we face as a community is to tell every one of our students that we do care, that we do want them to stay. And not only that, but we want them to achieve the highest level of academic success." (So I'm confused. All this kid did was admit that dropping out of high school was a “mistake”? Did he return and get his GED? Give me something, Karl.) "The next two years are critical. Under No Child Left Behind, if we don’t show significant improvement by 2010, the state will be required to take over our school system. And that is not something we want. (Speak for yourself. How could they be worse than our school board?)

"When it comes to the success of our kids, I believe everything should be on the table. (It's that type of independent thinking that got Dean elected in the first place.) "We need to recognize that the way our school system looks and works today, the way it has worked in the past, may not be the way it needs to look in order for all of our schools and all of our students to succeed." (Another bold statement. This guy is a white Jeremiah Wright.)

"Wayne Gretzky, a noted philosopher and also a pretty good hockey player, once said, 'You miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take.' The greatest regrets you have in life—that we must not have as a city—are opportunities missed and chances not taken." ( I think my greatest regret was reading this speech.)

Hope Is a Good Thing...And So Are Toe Nail Clippers

2008-05-16 12:30:29

So in the course of reporting a story about several local inmates, I came across a Metro Public Health Department memo that outlines several complaints. Below are just a few real-life gripes from behind bars. The Shawshank Redemption this is not.

“On 11-9-07 at supper I received two hotdogs with bread but only one ketchup and one mustard for both. This was not enough for both hot dogs.”

Status: The complaint was investigated. The inmate was receiving the standard amount of condiments.

“Nurse got smart with me for no valid reason. I'm entitled to better treatment than that.”

Status: Nurse was interviewed, but there is no way to prove or disprove this allegation.

“The Christmas card my family sent to the jail was returned to sender. I want my Christmas cards. My rights are violated.”

Status: The complaint was investigated. Inmates are told all musical cards are returned because they contain contraband (metal). Inmate reminded of the jail mail policy he received upon intake.

“I have been denied medical treatment. I've not been able to cut my toenails in over a month.

Status: Complaint investigated. Nail clippings are performed on weekends according to staff availability and should be prioritized with all inmate medical needs. Nail clippings involve the use of a 'sharp' and inmates cannot keep clippers 'on their person' for security/safety reasons. The inmate appealed the medical response to the grievance. The Health Department reviewed the case and found in favor of the inmate since nail clippings had not been offered in a reasonable amount of time. The medical department proceeded to 'catch-up' on all nail clipping requests.”

Better Fred than Read

2008-05-16 11:23:14

We at Pith join the many who welcome Fred Thompson to the blogosphere following his inaugural post yesterday at Townhall.com. Thompson’s opening salvo was mostly a vapid paean to an imagined conservative future, but it did include this curious bit of cause-effect reasoning:

Now isn’t the time for conservatives to be looking for a tailored message or a politically expedient route to victory if the end result is going to be the inevitable slide toward the liberalization and secularization of America, and the growth of government and loss of freedom that inevitably ensues.

Let me see if I have this right, F-man: Eight years of a staunchly anti-liberal, anti-secular administration (abetted by six years of an obsequious Congress) yields unrestrained growth of government, a ravaging of the separation of powers and a willful disregard for civil liberties, and you think liberalization and secularization are the paramount threats to freedom and government efficiency? So what are they putting in the water up there on Planet Delusion?

Reeling in That Marlin

2008-05-16 09:02:31

Nothing like a little Chris Matthews to jump start your Friday morning. In this clip, the MSNBC staple plays a little hardball with Kevin James, a conservative talk show host from Los Angeles. (And not the costar of Hitch.) It took a clearly irritable Matthews about four minutes to embarrass and humiliate James, who was rabidly echoing Bush's comparison of Barack Obama to former British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain without really knowing what Chamberlain did to enable Hitler's rise to power. When Matthews discovered that James' grasp of history was even shakier than Bush's, he moved in for the kill, angrily devouring the talk show host as he revealed his ignorance. It's absolutely captivating television.

And, yes, there's nothing local about this clip, but if it would make you feel better, imagine Phil Valentine sitting in James' place. He wouldn't have fared any better. Steve Gill, on the other hand, would have held his own. We'll give him that much.

It's Not Personal; It's Personal

2008-05-15 14:53:03

This week we wrote about how Gov. Phil Bredesen's office wouldn't turn over so-called “personal” emails to the Tennessee Center for Policy Research (TCPR) after they posed a series of irritating questions about the ongoing restoration of the Executive Residence. The libertarian think tank understandably frets that Bredesen's flacks are labeling controversial emails as “personal” so that they won't ever become fodder for the governor's detractors.

What makes Bredesen's position all the more bizarre—in addition to the fact that it flies in the face of the state's open records' law—is that his office has no problem turning over emails that certainly seem personal. That just fuels suspicion that the governor's people are just slapping the “personal” tag on whatever it is they want to hide and not on correspondence that was meant to be private.

TCPR had asked for a screen shot of the inbox of Judy Folk, who works for first lady Andrea Conte, also known as the "FL," who has spearheaded work on the Bredesen Bunker and has clearly been annoyed by its detractors. Anyhow, after the jump we have a partial list of of emails from Folk's computer that the governor's office had no problem sharing with the think tank. These are just the subject lines:

Update: Our new friends at the Tennessee Republican Party have issued a statement about Bredesen's issues with electronic correspondence.

]]> “Hi Kenny, Is Karla Diehl your sister in law.”

“I have a new cellphone number.”

“my child”

“For Miss Andrea's scrapbook.”

“Aww, you gotta see the baby.”

“Apology.”

“All About Women.”

“I need to eat pretty soon. I'm not sure how long it will take me to get to this place.”

“I went to see Betts Ramsey last week. It was very fun!”

“Yesterday was fun. Thanks so much for the wonderful sweets.”

“Carol, I never wrote Dave Brown a thank you note. Do you have his phone number?”

Paving Wetlands for the Wealthy

2008-05-15 13:03:52

Now that state lawmakers have decided to let certain commercial real-estate tycoons off the hook on taxes, they're desperately looking for an extra $15 million to plug the budget hole. One possible target? The state's land acquisition funds that are used to protect wilderness areas and wetlands.

It's a neat solution to the budget problem, isn't it? Lawmakers decide to keep giving a tax break to commercial real-estate businesses, which can then pave wetlands that would have been protected by the land acquisition funds if they hadn't been depleted to give the biz pigs the tax break.

Among the fabulously wealthy who benefit from the tax break are Nashville's May family, which started May Hosiery Mill in 1895 and now owns downtown properties, Belle Meade Plaza and Belle Meade Office Park. And that's not to mention lots of land at Bells Bend, which the family wants to pave for a Cool Springs-like shopping paradise.

The Keyboard Assassin

2008-05-15 11:26:34

That handsome (kinda) man is our own Jeff Woods on a rare day when he didn't look like a street urchin. Anyway, his journalistic efforts during last year's mayoral race have made him a finalist for our industry's Public Service Award category. Some call his coverage of the candidates, particularly of former Congressman Bob Clement, journalistic malpractice. We call it kicking tail. There continues to be widespread misunderstanding, apparently, about the role of altweeklies, which is to offer reporting with point of view, not to serve as a platform for stenographic mealy-mouthery the likes of which readers can get at The City Paper and The Tennessean.

In fact, I named the package of pieces "Mayor Bubba Smackdown," and we argued to the judges that the Nashville Scene provided a public service to Nashvillians by reporting and editorializing over several months' time that Bob Clement was far from the best choice to run this $1.8 billion major American city. An independent panel of judges apparently agrees, though the best we can hope for is probably third place as these types of journalism awards typically go to papers discovering that corporations are poisoning poor people, not to grumpy, unshaven wretches singularly obsessed with picking on political hacks desperately in search of power.

We never thought that Jeff Woods—whose triangle of existence includes our office Monday through Thursday, a seedy downtown bar and the Smoky Mountains—would be recognized for providing a public service. He's probably cringing at the notion that someone thinks he's done something good in the world.

Pride and Prejudice

2008-05-15 11:08:45

Republicans made this little video to welcome Michelle Obama to Nashville today and they're asking Tennessee's radio stations to play patriotic music to mark the occasion. "The Tennessee Republican Party has always been proud of America." And America is proud of the Tennessee Republican Party. My chest is swelling with pride even as I type this.

Dean Making Political Mistake

2008-05-14 13:02:27

Mayor Karl Dean is misleading the public about the state of Metro's finances and making a political mistake by not preparing voters for the need for a property tax increase.

Just about everyone familiar with the city's finances figures a tax hike will be needed next year to avoid some serious slashing of spending. But as we write in this week's Scene, Dean has been running around the city telling people that a little belt-tightening will take care of our problems.

To this point, Dean has pretended not to understand the troubles that lie ahead. (Or maybe he’s naive. Over drinks during the campaign, one Dean adviser griped to Scene staffers, “We’re talking about a candidate with about as much political sense as this beer mug.”)
At Glencliff High School during one of his town meetings last month, Dean actually said this: “The stars have sort of aligned right now in our city where we can make an investment in our schools.” And this: “If we plan for some tight years, we’re going to be ﬁne.”

In his State of Metro speech Tuesday, he suggested “smart ﬁscal management” is all that’s needed. “Although times are tight,” he said, “we know that will not always be the case.”

Dean did say during last year's election campaign that he wouldn't raise taxes as mayor. But breaking that promise is inevitable. With the kinds of comments he's making, he'll eventually damage his credibility with voters, and he's going to need it. When the time for the tax increase arrives, he'll have to mount a big campaign to persuade the public that the city needs more money. Then, how's he going to explain away all those times he said the government could manage its way out of trouble?

Where's Rev. Wright When You Need Him?

2008-05-14 12:17:53

I just finished reading The Tennessean's series on Metro schools, which I found refreshingly pessimistic. But in part two of the series, which reported on the supposed superiority of Williamson County schools, I couldn't find any discussion of the racial and ethnic profiles of both districts. It would be lovely if those weren't factors in a school district's performance but because of a host of thorny issues—segregated housing patterns, the challenges in educating immigrant children—we can't just ignore them because they make us uncomfortable.

Perhaps the most irritating part of the story was when a Williamson County biz pig claimed that civic leadership is responsible for the district's academic profile, even though the county largely gets to educate the children of middle and upper class parents. Even Pedro could have handled that task.