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By Caleb Hannan in Hannan, Law and Order

Mon., Jan. 5 2009 @ 11:47AM

To call a drunk driver an idiot seems redundant. If you were stupid enough to get behind the wheel all sauced up, it's probably unnecessary to ridicule you further. But no such soft-shoe'ing is necessary for those caught on New Year's Eve.

As anyone who read P.J. Tobia's article "Police State" could tell you, Nashville Chief Ronal Serpas has a serious jones for traffic stops. Hell, he even went so far as to give the program behind all the pull-overs the non-ambiguous title of Mission One. Which means the thirty people arrested for DUI last Wednesday night are automatically finalists for next year's Darwin Awards.

Even if you lived in a city that doesn't hold traffic enforcement in such high esteem, driving drunk on New Years would still be about as smart as slingin' rock outside an FOP lodge. What's worse, New Years is the one night of the year when law enforcement will cover the cost it takes to pour your drunk ass into bed.

SoberRide, the Sheriff Department-funded initiative that pays for free cab rides home, was criminally underutilized this year: After four years of 2,000-plus pickups, less than 1,500 people took advantage of the service this year.

The decline could be attributed to a number of factors (a freezing cold night and looming depression leap to mind). But the main culprit seems to be the Music City Bowl. Last year, roughly two-thirds of SoberRiders ended up at hotels instead of homes. This year that number got flipped. With Vandy fielding a home game, Sheriff's Department spokesperson Karla Weikel speculated that fewer out-of-towners meant fewer people willing to take the free ride.

"We took a lot of Kentucky people to their hotels last year," she says.

All of which means the very people who should have known better, Nashville residents, are the ones responsible for the highest New Years' DUI count in the past four years. Gah. I can't decide which is worse: Knowing there are upwards of 30 people dumb enough to booze cruise on the holiday or having to admit Kentuckians may be the more responsible drunks.