Irate 'State Update' Mates Berate Great Debate: Late Update
The media event of the young century is just around the corner, and the city, of course, is in chaos. Reps from every major network, news organization and international press outlet are in town to cover the Red State Update town hall meeting 9:30 p.m. tonight at the Belcourt. There's also said to be some kind of "debate" going on tomorrow night at Belmont—probably one of those last-minute jobbies thrown together to leech off the hubbub—but the real deal is in Hillsboro Village, just a few days before screenings of the equally historic Strange Brew.
The eyes of the world may be upon Jackie Broyles and Dunlap, but they're not blinking. In fact, they returned our request for an interview with a joint statement, which is more than we can say for Sens. Barack Obama and John McCain.
Dunlap writes, "While the issues closest to the hearts of Middle Tennesseans are shared by all Americans—stiffer penalites for the guy who called me an asshole when I stalled out in the Mapco gas line, free and abundant mental health care for all NFL quarterbacks, mandatory Nicole Kidman sightings every time I go to Publix—the number one issue for Tennesseans should be that their favorite son and favorite old man-friend were shut out of covering the debates. (I'm talking about me and Jackie, not David Keith and Bill Hall.)
"Since the Secret Service denied Red State Update press credentials, all Middle Tennesseans should register their disgust with Washington by coming to the Red State Update Town Hall Meeting on Oct. 6 at the Belcourt. Think of it as the Boston Tea Party with songs and an $8 cover."
Asked why Nashville makes an appropriate setting for their debate and any others that happen to spring up, Jackie turns characteristically philosophical.
"I think Nashville's a good place to hold our Town Hall Meeting because my truck will make it up there—I hope," he says. "I reckon it's a good place for McCain and Obama's debate too, 'cause it ain't often you get to see Candy Crowley drunk at Tootsie's.
"I think down here in Murfreesboro would be a better place for 'em to have it," he admits when pressed. "But hell, least we still got Uncle Dave Macon Days."
Before signing off, Dunlap registers his displeasure on an ancillary matter.
"Me and Jackie are very disappointed to learn that the media tent for the Belmont debate is being sponsored by Budweiser, a foreign-owned beer," he says. "That makes Nashville look un-American. I can just picture the media elite lifting their pinkies as they raise their plastic cups of European stumpwater to their fruity lips.
"Ain't nobody at Belmont ever heard of Lynchburg? We'd rather have the press corps blitzed on Jack as they bash Sarah Palin. At least that makes their treason a tiny bit more patriotic."
Comments
These guys definitely need to be on the BBC.
Suggested question for tonight's debate: If we looked into the financial contributors to Jackie Broyles '08, who would be the most sinister person on the list?
Posted 10/06/2008 at 09:32:29 AM