Fat, Pathetic Dude Grabs Boobs, Runs
Hey ladies,
Just a quick reminder to cover up the jugs if you're "hanging out" around Vandy's campus, because the Boob Burglar is on the prowl. A man in his early 30s with "brown hair with a scruffy mustache and a beard" who weighs between 200-230 pounds has been grabbing tatas and high-tailing it away.
Sheesh. Any woman who's been on earth for 20 minutes knows the ridiculous, bewildering power of her boobs. All the leering, scanning, glancing and sizing up gets old by the time you're 13, and yet, you've still got at least 10 more years of viable boob relevance to go. They're conversation starters and conversation stoppers, the alpha and omega, the beginning and the end. They're also so ridiculously, bewilderingly fetishized that news like this ought to infuriate but instead leaves you with a big old "eh."
Sure, any properly socialized man knows boob-grabbin' is ridiculously out of line, and yet, the world is littered with ample bosoms. Take a weak manchild, his mind already a couple melons short of a fruit salad, tempt him with whimwhams everywhere he goes, and what do you expect?
For some reason I also picture the guy slipping on a big banana peel as he runs away.
Comments
Whimwhams? What the hell is a whimwham?
Jumblies, Mammalian Protruberances, Fun Bags, yes, but WHIMWHAMS? What is this, Winnie the Pooh?
Posted 10/20/2008 at 11:07:10 AM"Jumblies" ain't exactly Mickey Spillane, Burrito.
Posted 10/20/2008 at 11:59:18 AMPolice are looking for a white male in his early 30s, weighing between 200 and 230 pounds
"brown hair with a scruffy mustache and a beard"
Ut oh.
Posted 10/20/2008 at 01:21:56 PMBoob viability ends at 23? Is Tracy saying women's boobs are done by 23 or men's obsession with boobs ends when they're 23. In my experience.....which is well beyong 23...neither is true. I'm confused. Another sign of aging.
Posted 10/20/2008 at 06:17:14 PMAll the leering, scanning, glancing and sizing up gets old by the time you're 13, and yet, you've still got at least 10 more years of viable boob relevance to go.
If you're Susan Sarandon or Holly Hunter, it's more like 50.
Posted 10/21/2008 at 09:10:21 AMSusan Sarandon just turned 62, and I think her boobs are the same age. But 60 is the new 50. Or so I hear.
Posted 10/21/2008 at 09:16:50 AMAre you kidding? Is this a joke or is there an actual CRIMINAL around campus? This article reads like you are blaming women for 1)having breasts, 2) being outside, and 3)men being unable to act like human beings.
Let's try and focus on the person committing the ASSAULT, shall we?
Posted 10/21/2008 at 10:01:01 AMNever thought I'd be defending Big T, but I believe there was a hint of sarcasm in the post, Nance. There's ALWAYS something like this going on at VU, Tracy's just making a joke and showing us some sweet sweet whimwhams in the process.
Posted 10/21/2008 at 10:37:05 AMThe thing is Burrito, it's not a joke. There really is a guy on campus assaulting women. And, that's not really funny. On any level.
Posted 10/21/2008 at 11:01:19 AMFair enough, you are right. I remember this sort of thing happening constantly when I was there. The thing that gets me is we have that fabulously equipped VU Police Force with their dramatically painted Chargers, who are constantly nabbing people for minor traffic violations while all kinds of other stuff goes on. The newest reports are of two guys in a car pulling along side women and pointing a gun, demanding that they drop their purse and don't run. From what I hear this is happening quite often.
I could go on all day about the vapidity of Vandy girls, but they don't deserve to get assaulted.
Posted 10/21/2008 at 11:14:18 AMFifty years, not age 50. And counting.
Posted 10/21/2008 at 11:32:30 AMYou scenesters will never believe this, but last week after I wore a flattering new low-cut top, I dreamed John Bridges sat across from me at a table and told me I had a lovely cleavage! As I live and breathe, I promise it's true, though I'm decades past prime rackage, apparently.
Posted 10/21/2008 at 12:36:29 PMEven if you're fishing, I'll still bite.
Posted 10/21/2008 at 12:46:35 PMOn a more serious note, and echoing what Nancy is saying, most decent men have no idea what women deal with when it comes to the creeps and neanderthals who feel they have free license to grope, reveal, expose, act out, thrust, bump, grind. I have had my breasts and butt grabbed utterly out of the blue, walking down the street, minding my own business, by men in suits carrying brief cases, doing that stealth grab, then walking on as if if nothing had happened. It takes a full 5 seconds to realize what just happened because it seems so ludicrous. While it certainly doesn't rank up there with rape, it is an assault, and it is far more common than many men would think. I was punched in the face while waiting for a train under Madison Square Garden when I told a man to get his hand off my ass. He hit me so hard both my earrings were knocked off. Then he ran. I have been humped in crowded commuter cars by unmistakable erections. I have had a hand put up my skirt on more than one occasion on the subway. It's enough to make you lose your breakfast. One of the more memorable incidents was one morning on the F train--yes, the F--a woman started yelling 'what fucking pervert does this belong to?' as she had her nails dug into a man's hand, which seconds before had been up her skirt, approaching her vagina. As she lifted the hand up, everyone backed away as far as they could to reveal a meek little fellow in biz suit and tie--and the probably 6 months pregnant he had assaulted. It happens all the time and it is not a joke. But, every women learns to handle it in her own way. You just can't call the cops every time some asshole cops a feel. I particularly enjoyed the woman on the subway though. We did manage to get a transit cop on that one. I'm sure he got nothing more than a slap on his pee pee. stop the madness!
Posted 10/21/2008 at 05:38:44 PMWait, guys were supposed to stop looking at my boobs 10 years ago? 'Cause that didn't happen. At all.
Posted 10/21/2008 at 06:23:49 PMHaha, oh sexual assault, you never fail to amuse.
Oh wait, being sexually assaulted isn't amusing at all; it's scary and shitty and depressing. Stay classy, y'all.
Posted 10/21/2008 at 07:22:28 PMI had a girl grab my ass in High School gym class.
I took it as a compliment.
Posted 10/22/2008 at 09:36:43 AMA compliment. Who knew? So instead of saying, "You look nice tonight" guys should just grab tit? Great idea. I'm sure you'd tell your mother/sister/daughter that she should take some oaf grabbing her ass as a compliment. And let's make rape victims pay for their own rape kits while we're at it, just after we blame them for inciting assault by showing some cleavage. It all begins to make sense now.
Posted 10/22/2008 at 10:24:03 AMNothing ever makes sense, Kay. We're monkeys, ANIMALS. There are a million years of cumulative instinct in our brains being suppressed by a flimsy thing known as the 'social contract.' I'm not defending these asshats, what they're doing is absolutely awful. I'm just saying what you're up against isn't likely to go away, at least as long as humans populate the earth. I'm sorry if I sound insensitive, I'm just trying to paint this thing in terms of hard reality.
(Bad pun, bad bad pun!)
Posted 10/22/2008 at 11:21:24 AM