An Open Letter to the People who Opened that Obama HQ Next to My Liquor Store
Barack, your yuppie supporters are truly pissing me off
Dear Sirs and Madams,
How’s it going? Maybe you don’t remember me. I was that irate guy in a dripping wet business suit, shooting you dirty looks last week.
See, ever since you folks moved into the empty storefront next to my neighborhood liquor store, parking has been tough to come by when I need a bottle. The store is in a tiny little strip mall with only a dozen spaces or so and they’re usually empty, save for a homeless family spending the night in a beat up Corolla.
The liquor store doesn’t have the best selection—a few good, cheap chiantis, pinots and a basic collection of hard stuff—but it’s on the way home from work and minutes from my home. And until recently the store had plenty of parking. Grant it, all of that open space and proximity to Hypnotique make the lot a magnet for drunken vagrants, homeless spangers and prostitutes who hang out at the nearby BP, but these people are a part of our community and, I feel, add a certain flavor to the neighborhood.
Then there’s you people.
Now, when I pull into my liquor store parking lot, usually in a hurry, I can’t find a place to park. Your Volvo's and SUV's, festooned with Obama frippery, occupy much of the tarmac, sitting between me and my delicious liquor like a yuppie obstacle course.
Speaking of obstacles, watching you liberal do-gooders try to negotiate a path from the cocoon of a luxury automobile to the front door of Obama HQ while compassionately getting rid of the homeless that descend upon you is delightful.
There’s this one guy who lives under the CSX trestle over on Jo Johnston Ave. He’s got a nice setup over there with a tent and everything. Anyway, I once saw him ask one of your number if she had any “change.”
Was that you he was talking to? If so, nice work! While I’m cold hearted enough to never give money out to people on the street, I don’t think I could bring myself to try and kill that homeless man with boredom the way you did. I heard you launch into your political soliloquy with a self important, “Well, if you really want change, sir...” and just run with it from there. Kudos. As I walked past him that day, he shot me the most pathetic look of desperation. “Please,” his eyes begged, “kill me.” I bet you didn’t even have to give him any money.
While I admire this kind of thing, I find your presence to be a nuisance. Especially last week.
Remember Hurricane Ike? I sure do. I’ll never forget how I got caught in a downpour when a bit of the storm passed over Nashville. I was at the liquor store and had to park practically across the street because everybody at Obama HQ was so excited about Hope that they just had to take up all the parking spaces close to the store. I got drenched and my bottle damn near fell through the soaking wet paper bag it was in.
Maybe this is part of your plan, Obamaholics. Perhaps I was supposed to feel some kind of kinship with the victims of Hurricane Katrina or maybe get a better appreciation for the effects of global warming by experiencing this storm firsthand. None of that happened, though. All I got was wet and mad at you.
In the future, it would be great if you could park across the street or better yet, take the public transportation that you are always crowing about. It might save you, me and the good people who make their living in that parking lot a whole lot of trouble.
Welcome to the neighborhood.
Yours never,
P.J.
Comments
Why didn't you go around the corner to R&R Liquors on Jefferson, jackass? Plenty of parking without anyone in the way of your rubbernecking at human misery.
Posted 09/22/2008 at 06:03:22 PMHope doesn't come by the bottle, PJ; you should drink it nonetheless.
Posted 09/22/2008 at 06:08:37 PMPJ, where's the sex? There's no sex here.
Posted 09/22/2008 at 07:23:54 PMObama's yuppies aren't going listen to you, P.J.
You're just one of those "bitter clinger" types who doesn't really know what is in your own best interest as Obama explained to his San Francisco lefty pals.
Walk into the light, P.J. Begin chanting "hope and change", "yes we can" and "we are the one's we've been waiting for" at least three hours a day.
Then you'll be ready to join the Obama collective (which operates on a similar basis to the Borg collective on Star Trek) and take your place in history alongside the ONE who will "heal the planet" and "lower the sea levels"
Posted 09/22/2008 at 09:40:13 PMYour Volvo's and SUV's, festooned with Obama frippery, occupy much of the tarmac, sitting between me and my delicious liquor like a yuppie obstacle course.
This sentance is awesome!
Posted 09/23/2008 at 09:18:24 AMPJ....Been thinking about this and your rather childish - definitely old, worn, boring, tired and oh so predictable - attacks on those with better ideas and solutions than you, and I've come to realize your initials stand for exactly what's ailing damned near the entire con population: "Poor Judgment." Good thing most Americans are smarter than you, PJ; you might consider looking for a new career soon. Your moronic efforts at belittling those you disagree with are reaching fewer and fewer eyes. I'm only sorry I allowed my gaze to be diverted by your drivel; it'll be the last time, no doubt about it.
Posted 09/23/2008 at 06:27:44 PMYeah, who wants to heal the planet and lower the sea levels anyway? I'll tell you who...COMMIES! All Democrats are COMMIES! And nothing YOU say can prove it's not so!
Posted 09/23/2008 at 06:36:47 PM"...attacks on those with better ideas and solutions than you..."
He HASN'T attacked any of those people - he's only attacked Obama's yuppie supporters.
Posted 09/24/2008 at 03:53:06 PMThanks Burrito, glad you enjoyed it. Christian, what's the deal with sex?
Posted 09/24/2008 at 05:25:07 PMMust be nice to be able to afford to go to the liquor store. NOW who's the yuppie? I've resulted to pseudo "40ez" at the grocery store. Ever heard of either one of those? Maybe one of the homeless people can tell you where to get them.
Posted 09/24/2008 at 07:00:54 PM