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Sarah's coming over to our house for the annual Fish Fry & Scientologist Hunt. It's bring your own guns and liquor. Everyone's invited!

Even sissy office workers like us need to rest sometime. So thanks to our corporate masters, we've been granted the day off to reflect, ruminate, and cherish the independence of this great country, which for some strange reason allows us to get paid for shooting of our mouths.

But fear not, valued Pith reader. We'll be back Monday with fresh libtard gibberish and barely cogent advocacy for the nanny state. Enjoy your 4th!

That Guy Who Cries A Lot on TV is just the latest in the reign of infidels

You may recall the Republican Revolution of 1994, when the Sons of Newt Gingrich swept into Washington promising reform and a return to morality in government. But it didn't really work out that way. Gingrich was soon to implode. And the GOP freshman class proved to be not so big on that whole marital fidelity deal.

Nevada Senator John Ensign and South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford are the latest to fall from grace. Yet they follow a string of fellow moralists who've strayed from What Jesus Would Do, which is probably not sleep with the help. Politico chronicles their serial tumble from the high ground:

In the 14 years since that star-crossed class arrived in Washington espousing an agenda that placed family values at its core, no less than a dozen of its members have been caught up in affairs, sex scandals or in messy separations and divorces from their spouses that, in more than a few instances, led to their political downfalls.

The ruling by the U.S. District Court in Nashville that supported convicted murderer Edward Jerome Harbison's contention that Tennessee's method of lethal injection violated the Eighth Amendment has been vacated by the 6th Circuit, the News Sentinel reported.

The U.S. Supreme Court had ruled in April that Kentucky's lethal injection method, which is similar to Tennessee's, was constitutional. The court's deliberation didn't stop Tennessee from executing convicted double-murderer Steve Henley earlier this year. In his final days, Henley appealed to the 6th Circuit for a stay based on the U.S. Supreme Court's pending decision -- which came down some two months after his execution -- but the court declined.

Looks like it wouldn't have made a difference for Henley anyway.

Bill Haslam's $3.8 million is the most anyone has ever raised this early in a statewide Tennessee election. Ron Ramsey spokesman Brad Todd says so what? "It's now clear," he insists, that his guy "has the momentum in fund-raising and will have more than enough money to get his message out" and win among the "active, engaged and informed" GOP electorate, a.k.a. conservative Christians and gun freaks.

Ramsey calls state law "antiquated" because it won't let him shake down lobbyists during legislative sessions. "That's a handicap. We do have an antiquated campaign finance law," he says. "It's a hurdle I will have to turn into my advantage." More Ramsey:

"I want to keep moving on like I am right now. This shows the support I have. It's been very humbling when I call people and practically to a tee everyone wants to help me out. ... We'll take this a day at a time. I'm excited that I passed two of my competitors and raised money at a faster clip than the other competitors. I think it does show the support I'm going to have."

Bredesen says Tennessee's too fat, so he vetoes the bill that would have overturned the Metro health board's decision to require nutritional information on restaurant menus. ... Report: GM could build next-generation Cadillac Escalade at Spring Hill. ... Tennessee wouldn't have met GM's cash demands for Spring Hill even if the state's finances were in better shape, the governor says. ... Chancellor Claudia Bonnyman agrees to hear the suit against the guns-in-bars law. ... Would-be mayors scramble to replace Herenton in Memphis. ... Cohen claims $600,000 in the bank. ... Herenton gives an exit interview:

"I've known Cohen for over 30 years. And to be honest with you, he's an asshole. Anybody who knows Cohen knows he's an asshole."

More fun stuff from Herenton, this time on Harold Ford Sr.: "I'd have whipped his ass."

We reported the other day that the former USA Today editor and author of Gannett Blog had a source that claimed some 4,500 layoffs were coming soon to Gannett, owner of The Tennessean.

Well, today we have confirmation and, thankfully, it's less than that. But it still sucks: 1,400 layoffs throughout the company by July 9. There's no telling how many, if any, will get axed at our local Gannett daily. The newspaper industry is in the tank all over the country, and the email from Gannett division president Bob Dickey talks about taking the local economy of each market into account. It seems like Tennessee papers have been insulated from the brunt of the recession, at least when compared to markets like South Florida.

Anyway, the email is full of bullshit corporate double-talk -- like those who are losing their jobs are "impacted." To say nothing about the reporters who remain. They will, undoubtedly, face the 'do more with less and with the same pay' experience that nearly every reporter in the country knows all too well.

Update: The Tennessean to cut 35 jobs this month, according to the Nashville Post.

Rep. Marsha Blackburn believes President Obama was "legitimately elected" and "meets the qualifications to hold office," her flack says. But she's signed onto legislation to require future presidential candidates to show their birth certificates to establish they meet the Constitutional requirements to serve. Why not?

Blackburn's spokesman Claude H. Chafin defends his boss for her commonsense decision to align herself with tin-hatters, far-right frothers and paranoid kooks of all persuasions all over America. Says Chafin:

"Most Americans are probably surprised that they don't" have to document meeting the requirement. "A lot of people expressed surprise to her since (last year's presidential campaign) that people don't have to actually document anything."

But Rhodes College political science professor Marcus Pohlmann says that by raising the issue, "she certainly is painting herself into the far right corner. Normally you don't propose a solution unless there's a problem; so what's the problem?...It seems an odd one to pull out of the blue in a preemptive way."

Um, professor, Blackburn lives in the far-right corner. She never comes out of there. Did you see what she said about cow farts?

To hear Tennessee Senator Lamar Alexander tell it, a government-run health care program will be the ruination of America. It will not only run for-profit insurers out of business, but it will put a bureaucrat between you and your doctor.

Let's forget, for a moment, that Lamar probably hasn't talked to many doctors lately. There's been a bureaucrat between you and your doctor for years now. He or she just works for your insurance company, not the government. But they've been telling your doctor what he can and can't do for years. And has been doing it a more costly and inefficient way. The average for-profit insurer burns through 27 percent of its money on administrative costs. The average government program: A mere 12 percent.

You could also make the argument that running for-profits out of business is good for American workers. All that paper-shuffling work will remain, which means the jobs merely shift from insurers to government, which generally offers better pay, benefits and vacation time. The only real losses will be due to efficiency and a chopping of the executive ranks. But we're guessing you were never really happy about paying that $3 million CEO salary anyway.

In the end, private insurers will remain, if only to service people who want auxiliary, specialized or Cadillac policies. But to hear Lamar, fellow Republicans, and many Democrats in Congress tell it, we somehow owe a debt to the people responsible for the inefficiency and high cost in our health care system.

Do you buy this? Does anyone outside Congress?

This is your new Argentinian mistress, Ward. She enjoys long walks on the beach and shooting masked gunmen at Applebee's.

Democratic gubernatorial candidate Ward Cammack is having a few problems these days. He's struggling to raise money and some in his base of lefty support aren't happy about his membership in the Belle Meade Country Club, which they construe to be racist.

Fortunately, Pith is here to provide sage counsel. Our crack team of political scientists has developed a winning new platform to rejuvenate his campaign. It's simple, easy, and can be microwaved to victory in just 30 seconds!

1. Name Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton honorary campaign managers. Nothing says "I'm Not Racist" like making these two guys official hangers-on. Just hire a guy with a TV camera, slap a CNN sticker on it, and they'll be at your doorstep by morning. You won't even have to call.

2. Outlaw FreeCreditReport.com commercials in Tennessee. Okay, so this may be slightly unconstitutional, but you can frame it as your own unique way of giving the finger to the feds, a lock to capture the redneck vote and a winning strategy with the vast People Who Watch Cable After 10 p.m. Demographic. Bonus score: Also banning the phrase "There must be something to this ExtenZe pill" from public airwaves.

3. Stop Chief Serpas' broken tail light strategy. Who knows how many tourism dollars are lost when Mr. and Mrs. Cadursky of Louisville visit for a weekend, receive three speeding tickets for going a collective 7 mph over the limit, and never return. Score huge points with anyone in the tourism trade, plus lock up the rank-and-file cop vote.

4. Legalize guns on airplanes: Okay, so nothing says stupid like an airborne firefight involving a guy named Bill from Chattanooga, who became enraged when a stewardess tried to charge him $8.50 for a Jack and coke. But every candidate in Tennessee must demonstrate his fealty to the Second Amendment -- the dumber the idea the better. And if you make the law exclusive to Tennessee airspace, you can use words like "states' rights" and "sovereignty," allowing you to out-goober even your most gooberish opponents.

5. Have affair with Argentinian babe: How can you be racist if you choose a Latina for a mistress? Guaranteed to get you tons of news coverage, plus allows you to demonstrate conspicuous piety during obligatory tearful confession. Continually leak new details of the affair to remain in the news cycle.