Don't Run Over People: A Brief Crosswalk Primer

By law, in the state of Tennessee, if someone is in the crosswalk, you have to stop for them. It was
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If this had taken place in Nashville, you'd see a car clipping John or George.
very exciting to watch the person in the car nearly kill the couple trying to cross Broadway just now, granted, but that's the kind of excitement a gal could do without.

It'd be nice if we could take some of the resources wasted on harassing one of the more competent and well-run government agencies and use them instead to enforce life-saving legislation.

But in the meantime, I'd just like to remind folks, if people are in a marked crosswalk, you have to stop for them. That's the law.

Finally! 'Red Riding' Arrives Tonight in Nashville

Maybe you've been reading the reviews of the British miniseries Red Riding, which is evidently so potent a piece of storytelling that the entire three-part series has received a U.S. theatrical release. It arrives in Nashville today for a week's run, and you can see all three films together on Saturday and Sunday.

Is it worth the five-hour time investment? Is it ever, says Sean L. Maloney in this week's Scene:

Originally aired as a miniseries on the U.K.'s Channel 4, the Red Riding trilogy delivers the kind of satisfaction you get from watching a TV show's entire season in one Red Bull-stoked marathon. Based on David Peace's quartet of novels by the same name, a fictionalized version of real events, each installment takes place in a different year (1974, 1980, 1983). A different director helms each installment in media progressing from 16mm film to HD video: Julian Jarrold (Becoming Jane), James Marsh (the Oscar-winning documentary Man on Wire) and Anand Tucker (Hilary and Jackie).

If you're a fan of The Wire's kick-'em-while-they're-writhing-on-the-floor-from-a-broken-ribcage style of law enforcement, then Red Riding is right up your police-procedural alley. The story begins in Jarrold's 1974 with crime reporter and King Crimson fan Eddie Dunford (played by the magnificent Andrew Garfield, who just might make the upcoming Facebook biopic The Social Network worth watching) as he investigates a string of missing girls -- only to discover a web of corruption so vile and contemptible it takes another two feature-length films just to grasp its awfulness.

UPDATE: The cool Nashville podcast The Film Talk (whose co-host, Jett Loe, will introduce tomorrow's 11:45 a.m. screening of the full trilogy) did an interview with Red Riding screenwriter Tony Grisoni. Hat tip: Toby, dammit.

'Don't Get Rough With Me, Sir:' Phil Williams Acts Like Baby in Latest Faux Investigation

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So county clerk John Arriola has apologized and he has suspended deputy clerk Joey Workman and told him to apologize for shoving Channel 5's Phil Williams. That's the upshot of Channel 5's latest investigative report.

Slot machines were present in the clerk's office break room! That's what all the hubbub was about. But it turns out that no one did anything illegal, as Channel 5 acknowledged in its second report on this big story last night. A few workers were having some fun playing the slots on their breaks on St. Patrick's Day, that's all.

Morning Roundup: No Sympathy for the Farm Bureau

Liz Garrigan takes the Farm Bureau to the woodshed for opposing the animal-cruelty bill. ... Investigators are asking whether state medical examiner Bruce Levy took drugs off dead bodies. ... The robbers who died St. Patrick's Day in leprechaun costumes have been identified, and their backgrounds only deepen the mystery. ... Are hunting and fishing part of your state constitutional rights? They will be if you vote yes in November. ... There was no gambling going on when WTVF's Phil Williams barged into a St. Paddy's Day slot-machine party at the County Clerk's office. ... Too bad if you had the Commodores in your bracket. ... Williamson County is the most conservative-friendly county in America! This message has been brought to you by the political blog Duh. ...

Terry McCormick, following up on his earlier scoop: Alge Crumpler will ankle the Titans for the Patriots. ... Pekka Rinne notches up his 12th shutout as a Nashville goalie as the Predators carve up Minnesota. ... Lisa Lutz discusses her popular Spellman Files books with Chapter 16's Lyda Phillips. ... Who dressed up those nekkid statues? The folks who put the fig leaves on Musica 'fess up. ...

Cooper Backs GOP Resolution To Force Vote On Senate Bill

Since the Clinton push for health care reform in the 90s, Rep. Jim Cooper has largely been regarded as a) an intractable stick in the mud, or b) the punji stick that skewered the Clintons' bill.

Of course, it was more complicated than all that, and failure had many a disowning father. The same will be true should House Dems fail to come up with something this go-round, no matter how they go about getting it. And they seem to have embraced that part: Whatever it takes. Hence the prevailing attitude favoring "deem and pass," a way to approve the Senate bill without directly voting on it. Sidecar legislation with House fixes to the Senate bill would follow. It's looking like the most likely route to a reform that, while imperfect, might constitute a few baby steps in the right direction.

For whatever reason -- be it a potentially well-grounded concern that such methods could leave the piece of legislation vulnerable to a federal judge on questions of constitutionality, or simply that the president wouldn't "know whom to invite to the signing ceremony," Cooper said in a statement to Pelosi -- Cooper stood shoulder to shoulder with Republicans Thursday in a failed attempt to force an up-or-down vote on the Senate bill.

Sext It Up: You, Too, Can Get Hot and Heavy With Tiger Woods (Or at Least His Tigerbot)

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If you haven't spent most of your day poring over the sext messages Tiger Woods' porn star/mistress Joslyn James posted on her website (grody alert!), well then I guess you're, like, doing your job or something. (Hey, even a group of people with a total of 34 Masters degrees struggled to dissect the sext.)

But what's funnier than the texts themselves is the fact that Gawker has set up a phone number where you can -- for free -- get some of that action on your very own phone and feel like you're actually party of this human drama unfolding in real time. NSFW! But awesome, and better than your life, no matter what you're doing with your life. So do it: 646-450-9661.

The Scoop on GOOP: Paltrow Visits Nashville, Does Touristy Stuff, Likes It

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Elegant celeb Gwyneth Paltrow's been living here the last few months while filming the movie Love Don't Let Me Down, a comeback tale of country stardom we told you about recently. While here, we know she rolled up on Mercy Lounge for some singin' and dancin'. We know she played a fake concert for filming purposes for her character Kelly Canter, and we know she showed up at the Station Inn that one time hangin' with Reese. But that's not all! She wrote about her time here on her famous (oft-mocked) blog/newsletter about nourished living, GOOP, and guess what she did while here?

Glorious Bastard: Bill Bernstein Talks Gun Control, Registration and Israel

In this week's Scene cover story, Jack Silverman profiles East Nashville gun dealer Bill Bernstein -- a devout Orthodox Jew with an Ivy League/Oxford education who's an exasperating foe to anti-gun activists, yet oddly endearing even to some of his ideological adversaries.

Above you'll find video of Bernstein and his friend, filmmaker Gandulf Hennig, shooting skeet with some sweet-ass artillery. After the jump, Silverman provides more quotes from Bernstein the online provocateur on a variety of topics.

Hog Wild: Forget Guns in Bars -- How About Guns Out in the Woods?

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How is it even possible in a state where everyone can carry a gun everywhere (except the State Capitol, of course) that we have a problem with feral hogs?

Can't we just let gun owners shoot feral hogs on sight and encourage them to go out and look for the animals once or twice a month?

It's costing the state $1,000 an hour to hunt these hogs and kill them. Gun owners, you would be doing your civic duty AND saving the state money if y'all went out there and did this instead.

It just boggles my mind that this is something we have to spend tax money on. Gun owners, you are completely dropping the ball here.

Morning Roundup: State Medical Examiner Faces Fallout from Drug Bust

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The state medical examiner, Bruce Levy, is in hot water over a marijuana bust Tuesday night in Mississippi. Mayor Karl Dean has suspended him indefinitely. ... A robber dressed as a leprechaun finds his luck runs out with Gallatin police in a deadly showdown. ... If you're going to gamble in the County Clerk's office on St. Paddy's Day, you can bet Phil Williams will show up to spoil the party. ... Two bills that drew the wrath of the Chamber of Commerce go down in flames with legislators. Jeff Woods tells why. ... TSU's got some explaining to do to state auditors. ... Controversy's brewing over a bill that would end political parties' right to override the winner of a primary in Tennessee. Hat tip (who else?): Kleinheider. ... How do you follow up the Clinton-Gore reunion? With VP Joe Biden, at this summer's Jackson Day. ... Don't expect mints on the pillow from the Memphis motel where a corpse was found stashed in a bedframe for two months. ...

Nashville bites its nails as the Commodores face Murray State today at 1:30 p.m. in the first round of the NCAA tournament. David Boclair says the 'Dores' biggest enemy is tourney inexperience. ... In related news, Vince Troia tells employers not to get their basketball shorts in a wad over March Madness office pools. ... Is a plane de-icer killing the endangered Nashville crawfish? ... The Court of the Judiciary demands to know where Davidson County General Sessions Judge Gloria Dumas parks her car, and also some other stuff. ... If you can't reach anyone at The Basement or Mercy Lounge, they're with D. Patrick Rodgers at SXSW. ... "The Spinal Tap of chardonnay" plays tonight at The Belcourt, with wine and food available. ...

UPDATE: Memphis music legend Alex Chilton dies in New Orleans.

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