Nashville Music Blog

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​Next week, SXSW will kick off the 2010 festival season, which will reach critical mass in the U.S. with Middle Tennessee's very own Bonnaroo festival in June. Of course, you already know of those happenings. A festival you may not be aware of, however, is Knoxville's Big Ears Fest. A mere two weeks away, this East Tennessee carnival of ear candy features a diverse lineup of artists ranging from distinguished guitarist (and Nashville resident) Adrian Belew to motivational party-rocker Andrew W.K.; from English indie-pop darlings The xx to legendary Dutch anarcho-punks The Ex. In between are artists the likes of The National, Dirty Projectors, St. Vincent, my "faves" Vampire Weekend, Abe Vigoda, Gang Gang Dance, Terry Riley, Joanna Newsom, Nosaj Thing, Warband, Sufjan Stevens, our very own William Tyler's Paper Hats, The Bang on a Can All-Stars covering Brian Eno's Music for Airports and more.

The Regal Entertainment-sponsored festival is a multi-venue shindig, spread across spaces such as The Bijou Theater, The Tennessee Theater, The Pilot Light, The Square Room and The Cox Auditorium. It all goes down March 26-28. Tickets can be purchased for individual shows, and three-day passes range from $100-$250. For more info take a look at their site. Seeing The Ex is probably worth the trip in and of itself. Easily one of the best live bands I've ever seen. Just sayin'.

"Fuck you, scruples!"

​According to Rolling Stone, Billy Corgan is "back in the business of making dreams come true," but according to me, he's continuing with his mission to snowball into the strangest and most hairless megalomaniac in rock 'n' roll history. First he broke Spurgeon's heart. Then he claimed he didn't want to be a solo artist just as his solo record came out. Then he "reformed" the "Pumpkins" ... minus D'arcy (currently on a farm somewhere), James (currently a part of this gruesome business) and eventually Jimmy. Then he dated all sorts of undesirables, and then he released this fucking thing. Plus, someone recently told me that Corgan made her friend cry one time; not cool. Last year, B.C. held auditions for a drummer to replace Chamberlain as Smashing Pumpkins' official skin-basher, and now he's using the same process in hopes of finding a new bassist and keyboardist. From Rolling Stone:

Musicians interested in the two new open slots are being asked to e-mail a resume and performance clips to either pumpkinsbass@gmail.com or pumpkinskeys@gmail.com. A note to perspective keyboardists: Corgan says he's looking for someone with a prog-rock background, a la Yes' Rick Wakeman, so maybe familiarize yourself with Tales from Topographic Oceans.

I'd guess the real Wakeman has been ducking Corgan's calls. I think we should try to get some local talent on the job. Think about it: Glossary's Bingham Barnes on bass with Ghostfinger's Matt Rowland on keys? Prime! Besides, the contrast between the Voldemort-esque Corgan and those two beardos would be like performance art. Maybe The Privates' Ryan Norris and Keith Lowen? Those dudes don't have enough gigs between them, anyhow. Submissions are due March 31. Come on, Nashville!

"One of those Rascal Flatts boys is jerkin' us around." I'll say! On Thursday night, CSI -- that's the original series and not one of the 14 spin-offs -- will feature Nashville superstars Rascal Flatts in their second-ever "appearance on episodic television." As you'll recall, their network television debut was on an unforgettable episode of the remarkably forgettable series Yes, Dear.

Jerry Bruckheimer might be a Hollywood man, but his heart seems to have dual citizenship in Music City. You might recall Taylor Swift's appearance as the raven-haired stabee in an episode from last season. The Rascal Flatts episode will allegedly be titled "Unshockable," which is both a reference to their 2009 record Unstoppable and to the fact that one of the Rascals gets shocked in most dramatic fashion ... and it ain't an accident! My guess regarding the perpetrator? It was a music critic. They'd better start scouring the tri-county area for anyone with a functional set of ears; having heard their music would probably stand up as a motive in a reasonable court of law. Or maybe it was a Juggalo? Rascal Flatts apparently filmed this episode between selling pancakes and jammin' on their iPods.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. I should've known better than to have ever gotten my hopes up, thinking some twist of fate could stop those convalescent cockroaches of rock Aerosmith. If you're a regular Cream reader then you know I'd rather swan-dive into an active volcano than hear a new Aerosmith record or attend one of the artistic sacrifice rituals they call an Aerosmith concert. A few months back I expressed my disdain for the band and speculated about who they would cast to replace singer Steven Tyler in the wake of his sudden departure. Turns out Joe Perry and his sad posse of Social Security check-collectors have settled on Tyler's replacement: Steven fucking Tyler.

​This has been quite a week for international coverage of Nashville's local rock scene. On Tuesday we told you about JEFF the Brotherhood's fashionable feature in the pages of Spin. Yesterday we brought to your attention NME's report on the ensuing bromance between The Features and Kings of Leon. And today we direct you to Billboard, who have published a nice little profile on Nashville-by-way-of-Chapel-Hill alt-country transplants Roman Candle. The piece talks about family life on the road, major label trials and tribulations, as well as the band's recent releases. See for yourself.

"Everyone can kiss my fucking ass!"

​Remember when Haruch found those videos of Kings of Leon playing shuffleboard (or "pushboard") down at Loser's with The Features? Well, the videos have unfortunately been evicted from the Interwebs "due to a copyright claim by Vector Management," but the true product of that boozy excursion has made it to print. NME's James McMahon sat down with London's most beloved Nashvillians to talk about their epic boners for The Features -- something we at the Cream actually have in common with the Followills -- and why they basically created a record label (Snakes and Serpents) just to put out Some Kind of Salvation.

As I've said before, whether you love Kings of Leon, hate them, or land somewhere near the southern end of the love-hate spectrum, you have to respect the fact that they're looking out for the locals. The NME story covers, in detail, why C-Fo took a chance with The Features and why it is he thinks so highly of them, and you should most certainly give it a read. It's quite flattering for The Features. That said, Followill also happens to use some wonderfully peculiar and hilarious euphemisms that look extra-bizarre out of context, so have a look at those juicy quotes (sans context) after the jump.

​Today on the Twitter, Thirty Tigers posted some scans of Spin featuring JEFF the Brotherhood, whom the magazine calls part of "a new wave of stylish, boundary-pushing rising stars" who are finding "inspiration in the sounds -- and looks -- of the past." Luckily, JTB even have a song called "U Got the Look"! I know it's crazy, y'all -- musical musicians in a music magazine talking about clothes, but there it is for all the world to see: the Bros. Orrall wearing Marc Jacobs.

Oh, they talk about the music, too (something about shambolic jams), and it's nice to see some national ink spilt in Nashville's direction that doesn't mention country music. Oh wait, I guess they do, sorta. But not in the annoying way. Cool. And yeah yeah, "real men" don't think about what they wear (that's a lie, of course), but I think Jake speaks for a lot of dudes when he says, "I always thought it was weird that, for women, it's acceptable to wear any type of garment, but guys don't have many options." (But when you think about it, guys have more freedom to go along with our fewer options, because we can look way scuzzier and still be considered attractive. Tevs.)

Bros for life.

​* While Guns N' Roses were playing a surprise set in New York City's Gramercy Park Hotel on Feb. 14 -- Happy Valentine's Day, NYC -- a switchblade-wielding maniac apparently approached GN'R, presumably with intent to stab. That's when Skid Row and Damnocracy frontman Sebastian Bach sprang into action, allegedly crying out, "Nobody is getting anywhere near my man Axl Rose with a knife!" and "going after" the attacker. No word on why the rawk fan went all "Youth Gone Wild," but it's pretty clear that Rose and Bach are knee-deep in bromance. No response to the incident from Guns N' Roses that I could find, but if Chinese Democracy is any indicator, we should get one in 13 months or so.

* NME reports that EMI is looking to sell the legendary Abbey Road studios. It's unclear whether the studio brand or just the location itself is up for grabs, but either way, EMI is looking to fetch "tens of millions of pounds." So that's, like, a few hundred dollars, right? Only kidding. But you know who isn't kidding? Terra Firma, the private equity firm that purchased EMI back in '07. Terra Firma apparently used all sorts of state employee pension funds as capital for the purchase, and now they're suing Citigroup for being all, "Hey, tons of people want to buy EMI!" when really it was more like "Terra Firma wants to buy EMI and no one else." Too much finance talk? Understood. I say we all just pool our funds and buy the studio on behalf of Nashville. (HT: Maloney.)

Via

​I know what you've been thinking: "What's that ol' Clem Snide been up to these days?" The answer comes in the streaming-at-NPR form of their seventh album, The Meat of Life. It opens with a song depicting two of the worst things that can happen to you: getting dumped and ending up at Walmart. If that sounds just too damn depressing for a Tuesday morning, don't worry. It's a nifty song with a cool arrangement and besides, sometimes you've got to wallow in the pain. It's good for you. Or it's bad for you, but totally normal. As Thao Nguyen put it recently: "You want full immersion in the dissolution. You don't want to just take the language courses. You want to go live in the country of origin; you want to stay with a host family."

Anyway, Clem Snide has had a free pass with me ever since I first heard "Joan Jett of Arc" on a mixtape while zipping through back roads on the Olympic peninsula because -- I mean, because they wrote a song called "Joan Jett of Arc," for crying out loud, and that's worthy of praise in and of itself. Free pass or no, this new one sounds pretty good to my ears. If you've ever been to Normal, Ill., you know how hard it would be to write a song about that place, so again, I am showering points upon them. If this were the Olympics, their artistic merit scores would be, like, really high.

Stream at NPR until the album comes out Feb. 23.

Just Television.

​For years, people have complained -- rightfully so -- about the lack of music found on MTV. Well, the folks over at Viacom want you to stop bitching. So in an attempt to re-brand the network, MTV will, according to the L.A. Times, drop the "music television" tag from its logo. For anyone old enough to remember a time when the network actually played videos, this is a move that seems to come a laughable 10 or 15 years too late. First MTV was ruled by Michael Jackson, then by Madonna, then Aerosmith, then Nirvana, then Limp Bizkit, then NSYNC ... and now it's ruled by Snooki. Viacom is simply owning up to a tired truth we've all known for a long time: that the M in MTV stands for media. Way to stop false advertising, Viacom! Now that the network admittedly has nothing to do with music, can we finally abolish the annual Satanic worship ritual that is the Video Music Awards?

Is there any talent in this pic?

​For starts, I know the Super Bowl was, in Internet years, several ice ages ago, and the Grammys pretty much before I was even born, but several lingering comments this week have started a rattling in my coffee-buggin' brain this morn, so I thought I'd type.

The concerns of which I speak regard Nashville's youngest, brightest, comeliest songbirds, Taylor Swift and Carrie Underwood, and their performances at the aforementioned televised events. Critics, bloggers, trolls, and the like from various Interweb outlets have registered complaints, commented snidely, and made more than a few mentions that Swifty was off-key during her performance with Stevie Nicks at the Grammys, and Carrie Underwood's pitch fell flat during the national anthem at the Super Bowl.

​Sometimes I think it wouldn't be a terrible idea for major record labels and organizations like the RIAA to appoint a Net-savvy 15-year-old to their board of directors. That way, they'd have someone to tell them whenever one of their decisions was laughable or antiquated or, in this case, possibly questionable/impertinent. The BBC reports that Warner Music Group will no longer be licensing its songs to websites like Last.fm, Pandora and Grooveshark for free streaming. Warner CEO Edgar Bronfman Jr. sez:

"The 'get all your music you want for free, and then maybe with a few bells and whistles we can move you to a premium price' strategy is not the kind of approach to business that we will be supporting in the future." It is not clear whether Warner will remove its music from existing services or decline to do deals with new outlets. He said the focus would be on promoting streaming services that require payment, which he said could appeal beyond those who currently pay for downloads in stores such as Apple's iTunes.

Hmm. ... It "could appeal beyond" Apple users. It also could just further encourage Internet users to illegally download your albums AND severely limit the reach your smaller artists have. See, the deal nowadays is that, like a radio station, streaming music sites pay royalties to record labels for songs that are played. And, like a radio station (at least in theory), these sites provide outlets for small-name artists to reach fans. Say, for instance, I created a "Willie Nelson's Similar Artists" station on Last.fm. That might bring up a streaming Phosphorescent song that I otherwise wouldn't have heard, and I might go and purchase that track or, hell, maybe even the whole album. Score one for Phosphorescent, score one for the label. Possible fail for Warner Music Group? Possibly more money for artists?

​As you may have heard, MP3 blogs are disappearing from the Internets. More specifically, they are disappearing from from the Google-owned Blogger platform, which also includes Blogspot. This story in last week's L.A. Weekly touches on the trend:

Google, the bloggers believe, has quietly changed the methods by which it enforces its user agreement. Whereas in the past, a blog owner would receive a warning before a post's removal, Google is now simply hitting the delete button.

And it's escalated to entire blogs getting removed. A couple days ago, Pop Tarts Suck Toasted was unceremoniously wiped off of Blogspot. I Rock Cleveland soon followed. PTST is back at its own dedicated URL, poptartssucktoasted.com, and word around the webs is that anyone with an MP3 blog ought to look into registering their domain on the quick. So far Google is at least succeeding at one thing: driving bloggers to WordPress.

UPDATE: A running list of known Blogger casualties, starting with those Earfarm posted to Twitter: Pop Tarts Suck Toasted; Living Ears; It's a Rap-Rogo; Masalacism; I Rock Cleveland; To Die by Your Side; Golden Bloggen; Galaxy Techno. If you know of others, post them in the comments.

It bears repeating.

​I didn't catch the U.S. Air Force Reserve spot during this year's Super Bowl -- maybe because I had gotten fed up with bad attempts at Internet meme-jokes and stopped watching The Commercials -- but it looks like the White Stripes did not approve or even know about the version of their song "Fell in Love With a Girl" that was used in the commercial. From a statement:

We believe our song was re-recorded and used without permission of the White Stripes, our publishers, label or management.

The White Stripes take strong insult and objection to the Air Force Reserve presenting this advertisement with the implication that we licensed one of our songs to encourage recruitment during a war that we do not support.

The link to the commerical posted to the White Stripes website does not seem to be playing the video in question anymore. Furthermore, Arthur reports:

Apparently the geniuses at Blaine Warren Advertising of Las Vegas, Nevada were behind this idiocy. According to the New York Times, Blaine Warren will be issuing a statement later today. That should be amusing reading.

(And of course Arthur mentions Godsmack.) I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that re-recording a song by a well-known band and using it in your Super Bowl commercial is so fucking bush league it boggles the mind. Oh, and props to J.W. for the countermeasures.

​Thank you, Mr. Barry Mazor. Last time I lamented the flood of stories about Nashville that lazily employ the same old shock that Nashville isn't just country, folks more or less said with a status-quo shrug: "Quit-yer-whinin'," "What do you expect?," "Stop beating a dead horse" or "Any publicity is good publicity." You yourself, as a Nashville residing national reporter (and veteran, revered music journalist, author and editor), even pointed out in the comments that national stories need national angles, and national angles about Nashville have to school an unknowing outsider of the non-country ways of many of our citizens. It's an angle even the best editors can't resist.

And then you went and changed the script.

A photograph taken in 2007 of about two days' worth of received publicity mail.

​Without getting too "inside baseball" on it, as they say, allow me to just share a little part of our job with you: Our inboxes here at the Cream/Scene are regularly inundated with just about every sort of entertainment-related email you'd never want to see. Random example from the top of this morning's e-heap? "Extra's First Look [as in the TV show hosted by A.C. Slater]: Simon Cowell's 'Everybody Hurts' Video." Blech. I also received word just last week that Guitar Center has created a battle-of-the-bands style competition (perhaps as a diversion from this), the winner of which gets to record a three-song EP with Mike Clink and Slash. Cutting-edge stuff right there.

But for all the Slash contests and old-man breast fests we catch wind of, there are also plenty of emails about bands we actually care about. Though there are pretty much never bios we want to read, there are albums we want to hear and videos we want to see. The trick is getting folks to send them to us in such a manner that we can a) distinguish them from the shit we don't want and b) actually have copies of an artist's material, not just links to streaming 30-second clips. That's where Chris Weingarten comes in. He's the fire-and-brimstone pastor of music journalism we've blogged about before, and he recently squeezed out a series of tweets about the suckiest parts of publicists' emails. Not to be outdone, Bloodshot Records publicist Marah Eakin responded with a list of how writers can be less sucky as well. Both lists are pretty entertaining, and you can see them after the jizzy.

​NME is reporting that Jack White played a "surprise show" here last night at Third Man Records in support of a show by the Dex Romweber Duo -- a band he produced. But it turns out he just played a Dex Romweber Duo song before the band played.

The White Stripes man treated the 250-strong crowd to an impromptu solo rendition of one of the pair's songs before they played their full set.

Oh, wait. He also loaned them a guitar when they broke some strings. In actually (potentially) interesting news, Dolly Parton might record with him. Of course, The White Stripes were once known to cover Parton's "Jolene" on the reg. So ... there's that.

​The last thing I saw filmed at Municipal Auditorium was the Poison video for "Your Mama Don't Dance." Yeesh. Who knew redemption would come decades later, and yet so early in the day? Yep, you read that correctly: Rock o' clock is at 4 p.m. tomorrow, Feb. 2, at Municipal Auditorium if you wanna watch Gwyneth Paltrow's country debut as one Kelly Canter, the fallen country star she plays in the currently-filming-in-Nashville flick, Love Don't Let Me Down. (Don't say we didn't give you advance notice.)

The plot:

Soon after a rising young singer-songwriter (Hedlund) gets involved with a fallen, emotionally unstable country star (Paltrow), the pair embarks on a career resurrection tour helmed by her husband-manager (McGraw) and featuring a beauty-queen-turned-singer (Meester). Between bookings, romantic entanglements and old demons threaten to derail them all.

Wanna be one of 2,500 extras in the movie for the filming of the pivotal comeback scene?

Lady Gaga Performs at the 52nd Annual Grammy Awards in Los Angeles

​Before we get started, you'll have to excuse me if my musings are bit more maladroit than usual this morning: I watched the Grammys last night. With weather conditions bringing Nashville to its knees this weekend, I, like most of you, was forced into cabin-fever inducing hibernation over the course of the last three days. Naturally, the inability to pursue an active lifestyle led to me to spend some quality time with my friends, the two Ws: weed and whiskey. Of course, my other two friends cable and Internet were there to keep me company as well. As if a shiftless three-day stretch of bone-roastin' and absorbing useless information wasn't enough to cast me into Larry the Cable Guy's demographic, I -- being the kind of person unable to look away from a train wreck -- found myself watching the 52nd Annual Grammy Awards last night. A telecast that, easily resulting in an additional 10 I.Q. points lost, was the coup de grace for an already wasted weekend.

​

Oh, Taylor Swift. Will your tenacious reign of adorable terror ever end? Apparently, not any time soon. We're barely a month into 2010 and it's already a big year for Swifty. Her acting debuts in the feature film Valentine's Day on Feb. 12, and it's only a matter of days before she's taking ass and kicking names at the Grammys on Sunday. As if that weren't enough, the ever-entrepreneurial Swift is about to unleash her own line of greeting cards. As you can see from the sample above, they more or less rival her music in terms of edginess with more than a few featuring cute and cuddly kittens and puppies. However, being the infinitely bigger name, she's also stolen the thunder from another line coming out this year... ours.

Nashville Cream plans to issue a series of local rock-themed greeting cards later this year, designed by our very own staff here at the Cream. Dig on some samples after the jump ...

​Back in November we reported on the investigation into Gibson Guitar regarding possible illegal importation of an endangered species of rosewood from Madagascar. Well, it looks as though they're in even more hot water, and this time it's over some alleged price-fixing. According to the Nashville Business Journal, a series of lawsuits have been filed against Gibson -- as well as Guitar Center, Yamaha, Fender and possibly others -- alleging that they artificially boosted prices under the guidance of the National Association of Music Merchants (NAMM). This, of course, would be in direct violation of the Sherman Antitrust Act. From the NBJ's story:

"The Sherman Act was enacted to promote competition (in) the U.S. market, because competition provides consumers with the best price possible," said Hollis Salzman, a partner at New York law firm Labaton Sucharow, which is representing plaintiff Craig Kennedy. The suits focus largely on national instrument retailer Guitar Center, as well as the association, but Gibson and fellow manufacturers Fender and Yamaha appear as co-defendants. Caroline Galloway, a spokeswoman for Gibson, could not be reached for comment.

Well, Caroline Galloway -- the spokeswoman in question -- issued an official statement that we at the Scene received today. You can read the full statement after the jump.

​I know you were all getting bumpy skin just thinking about what Perez Hilton said about Kings of Leon. (Which was that they "have left Columbia Records for Warner Brothers where they will be paying to record their own albums!" The gist: KOL would pay for part of their recording costs in exchange for a larger cut of profits from record sales.)

Please rest assured, however: Spinner reports that KOL are not signing a new contract with Warner, and that Nathan Followill said as much on his Twitters. So, to recap, here are the things Kings of Leon are not doing: 1) leaving their record label; 2) opening for The Features at Exit/In. If there's anything else they're not doing, we'll let you know first eventually!

[Spinner]

The Geek Squad goes country.

​From the Department of Home Taping Is Making Music (Row): Last week, Sony Music Nashville signed Jordyn Shellhart, a 15-year-old country singer-songwriter from Franklin, to a record contract, agreeing to distribute her debut album In a Room. If you give a listen to Shellhart's plaintive first-person songs, you might guess at one of her primary influences. (Hint: rhymes with "Sailor Drift.") None of this is very surprising, but the one part of the news story that really caught my eye was this:

Her entire debut was recorded in a room at her manager Rick Barker's house, using only instruments and sound equipment available at Best Buy. In conjunction, Shellhart is set for a series of summer performances as part of Best Buy's @15 initiative, which helps give teenagers a voice.

First of all, OMG, could the name "@15 initiative" be any more now? But really, a major-label country album that was recorded at somebody's house on a bunch of consumer electronics?

​If you're hot on the beast's trail that is Twitter, you might already know about the sizzling culinary celeb spotting yesterday that has all the entertainment rags, uh, atwitter: John Mayer and Taylor Swift were spotted right here in Nashville collaborating over dinner. Do any of you care? Fuck no. So. I answer all your questions after the jump, so you don't have to read this article!

The faces of rejection.

When Au Revoir Simone played at The End last June, they hardly seemed like cold-hearted rejectresses from the Fortress of Cruelty. They seemed like pleasant enough people, and delivered their wispy dream-pop jams with energy and nice clothes. ("We had our doubts when they took the stage, but they brought us along on their magic keyboard ride," said The Spin.)

But little did we know that some six months hence the Brooklyn synth-poppers would roundly not accept -- nay, reject! -- the remixed versions of their songs turned in by Nashville's own Jensen Sportag. We're surprised, really, and not just because we are so in love with ourselves (though we are). Au Revoir Simone may not love Jensen Sportag's remixes, but we love you, friend circle, so we're going to post the rejected ditties right here on the Cream.

It's hard to believe, but it's only been 50 days since MTV premiered Jersey Shore. I quite honestly consider it to be one of the best examples of reality programming the genre has ever shat out, and that tanned and drunken piece of pop culture crap quickly metastasized on the pleasure center of my brain.

Tonight at McFadden's, my favorite cast member will be making an appearance. That's right, girls: DJ Pauly D(reamboat) will be beating the beat down on Nashville's glamorous Second Avenue. Will he actually be DJing? I have no idea! And I don't care! All's I know is me and my pal from the days of prehistoric kindergarten, Sean Maloney, are going to spend the evening battling to house music and stalking that kid's life up and down the boardwalk.

​* "Taylor Swift gets a lot of credit for writing her own songs, which is great. For her." Amelie Gillette doesn't like Taylor Swift, and that is kind of like listening to someone rail against cereal. A lot like that, actually. But possibly the best part of this post is in the comments where people start making up fake Taylor Swift song titles. ("Princess and the Sparkly Abstinence Werewolf," "Wistful Pancakes," "Fuck Joe Jonas," etc.) [The A.V. Club]

* Remember we told you there'd be SUPER SPECIAL GUESTS at Friday's Mercy Lounge anniversary show? Well, they've added The Features to their page for the show -- along with The Non-Commissioned Officers, De Novo Dahl and Apollo Up -- so consider the secret one-half revealed. ... [Mercy Lounge]

* Speaking of Apollo Up, Jay Leo Phillips started a band with Ryan Malina. They made a song called "Timid Lover," which you can listen to here. (Via WOTT on the Twitters.)

Yesterday, the Village Voice's yearly Pazz and Jop poll results went live. (Remember when D.P.R. was filling out his ballot?) To the shock and amazement of this one guy who lives in Jersey, Animal Collective's Merriweather Post Pavilion topped the albums chart. If you've been near an Internet in the past year, most of the Top 10 probably won't surprise you much: Phoenix, Grizzly Bear, The xx, Dirty Projectors and so forth. Meanwhile, to the mild shock and bemusement of this critic, Jay-Z's "Empire State of Mind" topped the singles. (Chris Weingarten probably put it best when he referred to "Empire" as "the musical equivalent of a tourist trap.") Did the Pazz and Jop poll really line up with the Billboard Hot 100? For that song? Tevs.

Nashville artists -- and not necessarily the usual suspects -- did make a respectable showing in the poll, so let's break that down a bit, shall we?

Music geek porn.

While we here in Middle Tennessee have no shortage of long, large-scale, sun-drenched music festivals to look forward to, it's hard not to be jealous of the lucky fucks in Southern California today. And it's not because their hot days are dry, winters don't exist, they aren't a decade behind the cultural curve and they have an ocean. This bit of coastal-envy is inspired by the Coachella line-up that was announced yesterday. It's un-fucking-real.

Peep it after the jump.

Not that disturbing compared to the song.

​What happened to you, Billy? Oh right. This. And this. You know, I now realize of course that Mellon Collie and Gish and Siamese Dream and all that probably weren't quite as earth-shattering as I thought they were back in the day, but they always had something going for them, be it a great hook or a combustible riff or a semblance of edginess that most mainstream '90s alt-rock just couldn't nail down. Anyway, Corgan's releasing a 44-track song-at-a-time free-download collection called Teargarden by Kaleidyscope. This is the first second song. It says "shine" and "oh, ah-uh, oh!" a lot. It does NOT sound like Smashing Pumpkins, but I can't say I'm especially surprised. Are you? To paraphrase Adam Gold, Corgan is like that super-cool older brother you looked up to in high school, but now he's a weirdo born-again who's dating a kooky skank, and he beats the shit out of you every time you see him. You always hope he won't beat the shit out of you, but he invariably always does. Anyhow, ready your ears for an unwarranted beat-down: