Satan just slapped his forehead.

I hear these guys shoot Mountain Dew Code Red on the crowd from giant hoses onstage. This show is gonna be awesome.

While this blog post was made to obviously mock the band, thanks for at least acknowledging the show. I will admit that the press release is all kinds of over dramatic though.

I'm not going.

Having all of your fingers is very metal.

Jesus Christ, I think Matt's first comment is the Cream's funniest ever, no contest.

The guy in the middle seems to be trying a one-finger death punch. Lame.

It's really lame for these writers to mock musical styles that they don't like. What a way to handle people calling you out on your B.S. coverage of the music scene in Nashville.Isn't a member of De Novo Dahl changing their undies somewhere?

I like extreeeeeeme heavy music, but these guys are tools. Not like the good Tool. More like Insane Clown Posse meets Crazy Town.

They should partner with Seether and Crossfade for the So-Contrived-Its-Painful Tour. Sponsered by Guitar Center, Hot Topic and Peavey!

Yeah this band is bullshit,but the post was written by someone who calls "Meemaw" and "Jeff" hardcore bands,and that bullshit is even worse than this band.

Oh noes! Looks like somebody "enraged" Metallishit!

I'm glad somebody pointed out how the Cream often
mocks/patronizes the bands they cover. It's a chicken and the egg situation: is it the Cream's condescension that spurs on people to write 'hateful' commentary, or is it the 'hateful' commentary that spurs the Cream to be condescending??? Who knows?
whatever the case, it's annoying when a given Cream writer posts a story, and includes therein a disclaimer to the effect of "this post is certain to rile up the haters" or "let the hating begin" or whatever. The Cream may not realize it, but such commentary shows them up for being an elitist, inclusive bunch.
If you guys would stop using this 'device' as a way to flesh out stories, you might notice a drop in the 'hater' mentality you're so quick to point out. This post is meant to be constructive criticism and not full-on hatred...

If you'd been around when Cream first started, you'd realize that our inspiration has always been Nashville Zine (RIP!).

I, for one, appreciate the mockery and condescension that's so prevelant here. Especially toward rediculous metal bands with names like this one, I mean come on, they're just funny.

when you have a handful of bands that gets constant and consistently positive coverage, MINUS the mockery and condescension, it begs the question as to whether people are playing favorites, writing merely about their friends' bands, etc. and, moreover, in those particular posts, if the condescension exists, it's then directed at prospective 'hateful'commentators. It comes off as, we think 'band x' is awesome or worthy, and screw you if you don't like it.
Now, you have right to be flippant in this way, but it makes for an annoying read and really gives us no info about the bands. Yes, music criticism is subjective, but as music journalists
you should strive for a bit of objectivity in the ethnomusicological sense. Judge a band or music culture on its own terms, not against your
narrowly or often ill-defined terms...

First off: Mock, we're an "elitist, inclusive bunch"? I could be wrong, but I think you meant "exclusive," unless you were intentionally being oxymoronic.

Ahoy: As far as whether we're writing about our friends' bands: I can tell you that I work at the Scene and I'm quite friendly with most of the writers on this blog, and with maybe one exception, they all hate my band and would never write about them. So much for that argument.

am i a complete revisionist or did all Matt's posts reporting on and praising worthy metal acts never happen? (or Steve's recent post on Metallica?) sure, it's been a minute, and yeah Matt's always been mostly about more underground metal, but it's not like something we've never found worthy enough to include.

Commenting here not as a contributor, but someone who's been reading this thing all along, as well as its Godfather NashvilleZine (and distant aunt Murfreesbored):

Cream has always been based on snarky commentary and its commenters have always been an easily agitated bunch who come here primarily to bitch about whatever Cream is posting regardless of how relevant, controversial, or completely innocuous. We give people something to bitch about, and they give us an audience to write for.

Moreover, Cream always been focused mainly on the indie scene and has never claimed to be an all inclusive, fair and balanced survey of local music. And of course, that doesn't stop Lee from talking about American Idol, or Steve to talk about new innovations in home recording, or Matt from discussing obscure noise acts, or me from bitching about the bathroom attendants at Exit/In. This blog gets interesting because we write about what we want.

What seems to shut people up quicker than any other point on this blog is the following: read other blogs if you want different kinds of coverage or get it together and start your own. i don't understand why or since when it's up to this blog in particular to be the TV Guide of Nashville Music, not just covering but praising everything that's out there simply because it exists. if all this blog ever did was write positive reviews of every harry, mark, and john that played a show, who the fuck would read it?
if that's what you really want, go read NashvilleEdge.com - oh wait. they went out of business - i wonder why? (btw, i wrote for them too).

You tell em son,anybody else gives you problems and I'll call their mommas and straightin it out!

The first comment wins the internet.

"This blog gets interesting because we write about what we want."

Yeah but you guys seem to all like the same things,the "local honey" De Novo Dahl music scene.

Saying the word "indie" is very misleading too,or do you consider "indie" a genre and not a poncho that covers a wide assortment of music that is independently released.I think you're confusing the two.Claiming that "metal" is represented on this blog is fucking absurd.

I guess it just sucks that the scene has decided to employ such an icestuous group of writers,so involved with the same circle of people that they are unwilling to throw any other style of music a bone.

Why are people idiots? This is the music blog of the Nashville Scene. The Scene covers all types of music, including really bad music, every single week. This blog is not required to do the same thing. The contributors to this blog write whatever they want to write about, and if they don't want to write about, they don't have to. If you like bad metal, then maybe this isn't the website for you. It's sort of like TV. Nobody makes you watch Lifetime if you don't want to, do they? So please, go away and let us make fun of you in peace.

their name is five finger death punch.
do you really want this kind of band grouped in with any "metal" you may like?
it bears repeating.
their name is five finger death punch.
douche.

"So please, go away and let us make fun of you in peace."
It's sad that guys who wear capris and white belts feel like they can say shit like this to people.

So cream is just the Scene's blog that isn't associated with the Scene,but just the opinions of it's writers and only covers music that they like.If thats the case why don't you take the fucking Nashville Scene logo off the top?

so... the problem is... people who wear white belts and capri pants are making fun of grown men with wizard beards, mohawks, and camoflauge pants?

Ha Ha Ha, as I sit here in my white belted capri pants and ironic Iron Maiden tour t-shirt I bought for $75 off e-bay, I realize that you are right. It's not a lack of talent, taste, or originality that's keeping unsuccessful Nashville bands down, it's the actions of a single website that's slowly killing the hopes and dreams of many a young shredder.

I applaud your feminine approach to fashion, but yeah if your wearing that shit and make fun of the way other people dress its pretty fuckin lame.

Dude, you're right. I am currently waiting in line at Smack to get some leather accents, solid gold cock rings, and a matching set of wizard sleeves.

Casio should start doing blogs about how he rocks out to his "fall out boy" poster in his white belt,and how super punk rock he is because he idolizes emotron.

well, if we're talking punk, i'd still prefer The Adverts, Hubble Bubble, or Crimpshrine over Fall Out Boy, but talking shit about The Emotron will not be tolerated in my company (who btw is playing with my oh-so-punk band TCQ @ house pride in m'boro on august 29th)

I know casio,thats what i'm sayin,you two are so hardcore fucking punk that everybody is trembling.Maybe emotron will start letting you dress like him and you guys could do duets,maybe you'd make the cover of Flipside as emotron's sidekick?

well.

for one, The Emotron and I already do duets, what now? he also covers one of my songs on his myspace page, so who is who's sidekick, really?

and apparently i completely misinterpreted the definition of "punk rock" as ever since i mentioned it here, everyone else seems to think of spikes, mohawks, fast music, and a quantifiable something that i allegedly think i possess more of than anyone else.

Jack, it's too bad the writers here hate your band. I saw you at the Thirth of July party in East Nashville and y'all were a blast.

Casio,I can quote you saying "punk rock is my life"on this very site,is that not deeming yourself an expert on the genre.If so you would know that the early punk movement was a lot about mohawks,spikes,camo clothing which was a reaction to societies conventions about fashion and musicality during that time period,you know,the shit you were making fun of in your earlier post.

yes. i said that. i acknowledged that i said that. and i'm not baffled as to why people associate spikes, mowhawks, etc with punk. i'm more so disappointed in the fact that such a narrow-minded interpretation taken from tired fashion trends and boring music has overshadowed the more abstract aesthetic that spawned the whole thing.

i'm speaking strictly in the abstract in that the ideals that laid the blueprint for punk rock have also laid a blueprint for the manner in which i choose to go about living. and thus, yes. punk rock is my fucking life.

and i'd hardly call dressing in black and sporting a wizard beard in your metal band defying convention.

Thanks David. The fact that my jeans aren't tight enough and that I can actually play my instrument our two strikes against me right off the bat. But I appreciate your support.

Thats not my metal band dude.I'm just a fan of posts on this blog.I know you think when your at local honey watching turbo fruits with that pbr you brought yourself under the sky talking about how its the summer or dreams you think thats punk rock.Just because Turbo Fruits or whoever your calling punk can't tune their instruments or play in time,ect..doesn't make them "punk rock".The original movement was basically a political movement,but since you've based your life around the original ideal I suppose you already know that.

would both of you please shut the fuck up?

again. i'm not even talking about music. turbo fruits or any other band is irrelevant.

secondly, we were drinking Yazoo that night. and yeah, actually. i think the (idea of) summer of dreamz was pretty punk rock.

thirdly, while the English punk movement was largely political (though more about class than politics) and the biggest advocate of leather and spikes, the seeds were planted long before that in the U.S., and while politics had its place in the early American punk aesthetic, to say it was "basically a political movement" isn't entirely accurate.

After the Vietnam War ended, people were sick of politics, protests, and the like. They were also sick of giant bloated rock bands playing 20 minute drum solos to arenas full of people. punk rock was about taking reclaiming music from virtuosos and putting it back in the hands of the people. People who couldn't play for shit, but still had something to express. It stripped away the excess and brought rock n roll back to its roots in the form of short, basic songs and rejected the idea that you need an arena or even a stage to play a show or have a voice and use it.

so yeah. not tuning your instrument or playing on time were, in fact, actually more important to punk than Watergate or the oil crisis.

i'm not the smartest or most talented guy in town. but i tackle my endeavors with attitude and i do them my own way whether anyone is paying attention or not. if that isn't punk to you, whatever. it doesn't have to be. go listen to the Clash, or whatever it means to you.

"i'm speaking strictly in the abstract in that the ideals that laid the blueprint for punk rock have also laid a blueprint for the manner in which i choose to go about living. and thus, yes. punk rock is my fucking life."

O.k.,so I guess since according to Ryan the Cream writers write about whatever they want to you really are very "punk rock".Living by the "ideals that laid the blueprint" for punk.

Are you fucking kidding man.Giving a shout out to bands for being photographed for fucking style.com(vogue magazine's website).
http://blogs.nashvillescene.com/nashvillecream/2008/08/de_novo_dahl_in_style.php#comments

How abstractly are you speaking?Way to embrace the original ideals behind "punk rock"?What the fuck??

"ryan" doesn't write for this blog, so don't try and make a point by quoting him. but aside from that, i'm not speaking for the rest of the writers, and i never said this blog was "punk or anything else. i'm just talking about me. you're tying in things i said about a completely different topic of conversation into what i'm saying about this.

and you think it's purely coincidental that i posted that immediately after there was a foot long shit storm over too much DND coverage on a blog post the previous day? if you have to explain the joke, it isn't funny. but then, i guess if you don't, people won't get it - which probably means it wasn't funny to begin with. but i just thought it the perfect opportunity to stir some more shit up, which it failed to do.

besides that, sure, it's easy to say "i just did that to piss you off". but like i said, if Altered Statesman had been on Style.com, i'd written about that too. that's the kind of shit we cover here. it's my job. is making a mocha latte for Burt Reynolds considered punk rock? who knows, but if that's your job, it doesn't really matter how punk it is. Part of what i do for the Scene is write on this blog and report things like local bands getting national coverage. i don't feel like punk rock has to have anything to do with that. i don't feel like everything i write on here has to give a middle finger to the establishment, or whatever.

so yes. i mean abstract enough that you'd have to actually hang out with me, know who i am, where i've been, what i've done, what i'm doing, and how i'm doing it to understand how the punk aesthetic plays any part in how i roll. it's not something i try for, and it's not something i wear on my sleeve like a patch or a safety pin. it's just the attitude i have and the approach i take toward life. it has nothing to do with this blog.

Jack, it's not that they hate your band. it's just that 'scofield-esque' guitar solos or general noodling just aren't punk rock.
if i had a dime for everytime i've heard someone
say that 'noodling' isn't punk rock, i'd be rich.
Say that sh*t to James Williamson, Cheetah Chrome, or Richard LLoyd....

I like you Casio,at least you don't try and bullshit people,or if you do you recognize that it's bullshit.

Noodle...you're right. And I never claimed to be punk rock. I guess I was just making the point that just because I'm friends with the writers doesn't mean they'll write about me.

And I'd like to take back the "I know how to play my instrument" comment. that was lame.

tnemurtsni ym yalp ot woh wonk I.

There. I did it.

I hate virtuoso crap as much as the next guy, and technique for technique's sake nauseates me.

I wasn't presuming to speak for the Cream, I just assumed the writers write about what interests them. Unless there is a secret memo from Village Voice media saying "you guys need to seriously start focusing on 'Seperated at Birth' blog entries, or else."

yeah... didn't mean to drag you into that. i actually have no idea what he was trying to say, but it was pretty irrelevant regardless.

but yeah, the easy answer is yes, we write about what we want. long live the liberal media.

So Casio,either you blog about what they tell you to,or you blog about what you want to,you said both. If Ryan doesn't represent the Cream why don't you correct him when he states inaccuracies? The Scene has always claimed to represent a holistic view of what is going on in Nashville, so if the Scene and Cream are totally connected then why doesn't the Cream represent Nashville music in that manner?

A holistic view? Can I get some accupuncture from the Cream writers?

Love Love Love the Casio description of the punk rock movement!!!it's like right outta Time Life books 1977!!!!!!If you speak from a soap box about punk rock and then put down the Clash thats down right retarded!!!They were a very innovative band and very important to the early movement!!!

nobody was putting down the Clash. i just meant if what i just described as "punk" isn't so much that to you, there's a more traditional alternative. The Clash were fucking awesome. Don't be ridiculous.

Yes. We write about what we want. Nobody told me to make that DND post. again, i thought it was a perfect example of what everyone was just bitching about. However, that doesn't make this thing a random free-for-all. it's still a local music blog. if a local band gets a shout out in a major publication, be it our sweet wittle precious baby darlings DND, Meemaw, or JEFF or someone most of us here aren't that fond of we consider it newsworthy stuff and a good post. I can write about whatever, but i still want it to be relevant.
So yes, i could have very well ignored that DND thing. I found it, I chose to post about it, and i stand behind it.

my boy is been readin that Vogue maguzine since he was nine.Don't you sissys know that if you in Vogue that makes you punk rock?Where you think little casio got them ideas frum.He was luuking at my Vogue whin he was fiteen an theys had a stury on how Agrel Laveene was punk rock an he said 'mommy i want to be a punk when I get older'.Course i don't lauk with him and that emotron is feelin each others pee pees on stage but he tells me its punk rock momma.so if my boy says its punk rock then you mamby's better know that its punk rock!

I think this might sum it up:
http://www.stereokiller.com/newsreviews/article.cfm?intarticleid=8147&startrow=5

for what it is worth kudos to you seth, the musings on the abstract nature of punk, are the kind of things i always hoped to find on this blog and nashvillezine, not because the sites had any notion of authority in the "scene" but because it was a kind of graffiti for the local community, too bad it takes short sighted angst from folks to draw out the larger and more interesting discussions about music(tracy and steve have also contributed some fascinating ideas("the why i love man rock" article a few years back was neat). is shitty as it is to admit, there is no more us vs. them in music, thats a hard pill to swallow, think on it for a while, there is no one to blame for anyone's perceived failures but themselves-media is completely decentralized at this point-the means of production are widely available to record and distribute music and hype as far as one is willing
its always fun to talk shit but have your facts ready to actually make a point, hating without offering solutions is pointless-the best theory i've read on criticism is that the point is to make connections to other works not pass subjective judgement as to whether something is good or bad. whatevs thats my nerdy jerk off fest, despite all the crap i read i know there are folks in town across the board who just to create their thing and move beyond the petty b.s.. losers beat wieners

that was well said.

This band is horrible. It's funny how you can hate the Cream but read and comment on it nonstop. Please just spend your days over at Nashvillerock.net and go rage out your white trash testosterone at The Muse, The Rutledge, Fuel, or wherever else bad metal and bad "rock" bands play. I can't imagine the crowd at the Cannery for this. If I was an Army recruiter, this would be easy pickin's.