Nashville Food Blog

www.southernfoodways.com

​If you're not familiar with the Southern Foodways Alliance, well ... you should be. Based in Oxford, Miss., the SFA is an association of more than 800 really cool people who are engaged in the mission to document, protect and celebrate the food heritage of the American South.

Academics, chefs and food aficionados work together to produce films, stage conferences and compile collections of food-based literature. The Atlantic Monthly called the SFA "this country's most intellectually engaged food society."

Lucky for us, the SFA is bringing their road show to Nashville.Their wildly popular Potlikker Film Festival will be showing at Chef Tandy Wilson's City House restaurant on Sunday, April 25, and from their description of the event it looks like a real hoe-down.

NashvillePost.com, our sister paper, turned 10 years old yesterday. It was a pleasure to celebrate that milestone -- and the relaunch of the Nashville Post print magazine -- at a gathering last night at The Standard.

​As party venues go, it was just right. Easy room-to-room flow, a coat check (!), valet parking, lots of corners for quiet conversation.

Anyway, in Bites' ongoing effort to document the proliferation of shrimp-and-grits offerings in town, another joins the ranks. The Standard's S-and-G, created under the auspices of Executive Chef Art Snyder, were offered in twee serving cups of about three bites, carefully scooped into the cup so every portion had a spicy shrimp or two.

Shrimp-and-grits as party food -- an inspiration for spring/Easter/graduation brunch! Thanks for the idea, Standard guys.

​Just because the Super Bowl is over doesn't mean that snack season is over. With March Madness, St. Patrick's Day, Cinco de Mayo coming up, there are plenty of occasions for parties coming up and that means appetizers. Luckily, creative inspiration is within reach thanks to Red Pony's Chef Jason McConnell.

On Thursday, March 4, Chef McConnell will host Easy Appetizers 101, and walk guests through the development of three simple, yet savory appetizers. Guests will enjoy tasting and learning with friends, while sipping on suggested wines to pair with each dish.

The event costs $20 per person and includes three hefty portions of the featured appetizers and three wine tastings. Additionally, patrons will leave with the recipes and will also receive 15 percent off on all food purchases at the three restaurants in Chef McConnell's burgeoning empire, Red Pony, SOL and 55 South, for the following month. Chef Jason is an entertaining, engaging kind of guy so I'm sure the evening will be a hoot.

The $20 cost includes tax and gratuity. For reservations or more information, call 595-7669. Red Pony is located at 408 Main St. in historic downtown Franklin.

​Because I'm a thinking-outside-the-box kind of rebel, I question the entire "cake" paradigm for celebrating birthdays. We're giving up "birthday cake" because the idea is stale, the one-size-fits-allness of the treat is so last century, and the execution so uneven.

For two years, we had Maggie Moo Better Batter cakes with chocolate icing. Awesome except for the icing. And last year's Oreo birthday cake with strawberry filling from Publix was very good and beautifull executed, ending our time under the cultural thumb of cake on a high note.

But from now on, something else must take cake's place. Cakeballs. Cupcakes. But these are still cake, and subject to degrading.

It has to be a treat, and symbolic. Other ideas: a make-your-own sundae bar. A candy shop. You all are outside the box, too --- what else can take the place of cake?

The Thanksgiving yum factor would be much higher if it were treated more like a gourmet meal rather than a symbolic dinner. Martha Stamps' catering is one of many area caterers and restaurants offering innovations on the tradition, but the difference is that Stamps' menu offers items you'd never typically find outside a home kitchen, including cheese straws, butternut squash biscuits and an inspired alternative to cranberry sauce: spiced pear chutney. Add these to a deep-fried turkey and her broccoli-and-cauliflower gratin and you've got a recognizable but different feast.

For more info call, 615-353-2828 or email info@marthastampscatering.com

Cookies are an appealing way to slip into the onslaught on the holidays. The lists, the shopping, the decorating, the holiday cards -- all that overwhelming list of stuff comes later. Cookies are a small, sweet way to step through the doorway.

​
A weekend hunting and gathering foray turned up Tennessee's own Muddy Pond sorghum. That happened the day after the vintage Ronco cookie gun tumbled out of the cabinet.

A surf of Relish magazine's website turned up editor Jill Melton's great molasses cookie recipe, which she made with part molasses, part sorghum with a lighter result.

At the end of this series of connected incidents, our cookie tray is beginning to take shape.

The same combinations of circumstance and happenstance are working in millions of heads right now, in home kitchens and restaurant kitchens. What influences, what magazines, what cookbooks, family members, dietary considerations -- what's the recipe going into the holiday planning potion wherever you are?

OK, so maybe it's been around a little while, but something this disgusting never truly goes out of fashion. To keep your fingers rubbing the martini glass rim of the boozehound's pulse, behold the McNuggetini--part cocktail, part concoction, and sure to please your college-aged guests at any party fit for a fast foodie with an affection for regurgitation.

​ Finally, a movie awards ceremony where the stars may be hams, but the speeches are mercifully brief. The tastiest surprise at the Cooks' Den's Culinary Cinema Awards is their depth of knowledge: nominees include the usual cutlets (Big Night, Like Water for Chocolate, Babette's Feast) but offbeat fare such as Oldboy, the Stephen Chow comedy God of Cookery, the delectably nasty Who Is Killing the Great Chefs of Europe?, and one of our favorites in any category, Luis Buñuel's sublime The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie. Bonus points if you can identify the movie pictured here without peeking.

• "It's not until you sink your teeth into the barbecue pork sandwich that you understand. Simplicity is what this restaurant is all about. The toasted French roll crackles on first bite. The savory pork is understated and tasty. Then you have a crisp, fresh snap of cucumber and cilantro...." That's Eric at Nashville Restaurants (minus Katie the Veggie Eater, left home by the lack of vegetarian options) at the cleverly named Far East Nashville on Fatherland. Check out the description of the pho. So many East Side restaurants, so little time....

• Pickle soup? Believe it, sez Joltin' Django at A Man's Gotta Eat: "I wasn't expecting much prior to eating it; indeed, I envisioned pickle soup as nothing more than sliced pickles in a vinegar 'broth.' Well..." He even scares up a recipe. Don't boil that sour cream.

• There's no need for me to even try making the salmon burger spotlighted on Ezra Pound Cake, because mine will never look as inviting as the one in the picture. For the first time, the words "ground fish" and "photogenic" belong in the same sentence.

• Say it isn't so: Melissa at Rhino Legs/Strawberry Beret, whose posts we've always enjoyed, drops the news that she and her husband are probably leaving town. Don't we have troops to prevent this sort of thing? At least before she goes she's offering another reason to get behind the Metro Chicken Bill.

• Here's a fun bit of culinary Black Ops: a guide to secret food items that aren't listed on the menus at Taco Bell, Chipotle and other fast-food joints. And I think I know why they're not listed, after learning the existence of the Wendy's "Meat Cube."

​"Original ad: 'Collector looking for vintage scotch, rum, cognac, bourbon, etc. Willing to pay top dollar for fine bottles.'" For the response, you'll have to check out DontEvenReply.com, the funniest website we've run across in months, where some sadist wreaks havoc responding to online classifieds. We know, we know, we shouldn't laugh, there but for the grace of God, etc.--but if you can read this exchange resulting from a refrigerator offer without hyperventilating, you must be the seller. Thanks for the tip, Nashville Cream.

• I like bacon and I like cake, but I'm not sure I can wrap my head around the concept of bacon cake. If you think the photo here we stole is rank, check out the others at YesButNoButYes. (More items after the jump....)

Did you see this clever re-make of TV title cards, including the "Mad Men" title? It pretty accurately sums up much of the action in "Mad Men," as long as you throw in retro eats like creamed spinach, Sara Lee frozen cheesecake, onion soup dip and tomato juice as an appetizer on posh menus.

The bloggers at epicurious.com put together a "Mad Men" menu that includes classic cocktails such as Brandy Alexanders and mai tais, plus recipes inspired by the show (though the recipe for cilantro-garlic pita chips seems wildly out of place) and tips for hosting a "Mad Men" party.

The "Mad Men" season starts again in August. Without TiVo, I probably won't host a Mad Men party while the episode is airing--that really would be madness. But eventually, maybe Carrington or I will zip into a classic New Look party dress and break out the Baked Alaska.

They may be unsightly--one might say they'd been tethered to every spoke in the ugly trellis--but Nancy Vienneau makes a good case for "catface tomatoes" on Good Food Matters. "For catering purposes, we couldn't use them on trays of caprese, for instance," she writes. "But brushed with olive oil, roasted with onion, garlic, and a few sprigs of thyme, they made a chunky sauce that was moanin'-good." Better still, she gives you the recipe, and it looks simple enough that even a dope like me couldn't screw it up.

More after the jump.

nicked from Google Maps

We peeked through the windows of the Harris Teeter on a recent drive-by. The annex is full of candy-and-gum racks, packed full and ready to roll into place at each checkout lane. Can't be long now, we thought.

And indeed, our e-invitation arrived, noting that the Harris Teeter at 4416 Ridgefield (that's Harding Road across from Taco Bell to most people) is set for July 14. Of all the monikers it might have, the name "Ridgefield Harris Teeter" isn't among them. You could live in the neighborhood your whole life without knowing the name of that little piece of the street.

So it needs a new name. Bring on the creative names that will help distinguish this Harding Road Harris Teeter from the other Harding Road Harris Teeter. Points for accuracy and precision, but more points for being funny.

If you're in the area, they'll be cutting the ribbon at 5:30 p.m. on July 14 and holding Taste of Teeter until 8. The Taste of Teeter will offer products from the seafood department, deli, bakery and produce.

This Harris Teeter location deserves a chartreuse halo for implementing green building practices for this location. One thing shoppers will notice right away is on-site recycling for paper and plastic bags (including dry cleaning bags, paper towel wrappers, etc.). Behind the scenes are an energy management program, an energy-efficient roofing system, non-ozone depleting refrigeration (which represents a serious commitment), and high efficiency water heaters that reclaim water from the refrigeration system. (A great idea I never heard of before.)

Cool stuff you'll be able to get when the store opens for business the next day: hot Asian bar, Boar's Head meat, sushi, certified "green thumb" products, olive bar, Red Box dvd rentals and 10 check-out lanes plus two express lines.

Water cooler, Whitland Avenue Fourth of July celebration, 2009

Among the attractions at the Whitland Avenue picnic was the effort to green up the proceedings by offering water from a cooler rather than plastic bottles.

The yearly July 4 celebration, which combines the sweaty, social, culinary and patriotic in one party, has traditionally featured one or two large canoes full of soft drinks and water bottles. When it's a really sweltering day, you may find yourself using both hands to wedge the empty bottle into an overflowing recycle bin. Karen Tabor, a Whitland resident and one of the celebration's organizers, said that clean-up and recycling had become a big issue.

Last year the decision was made to switch to water coolers and plastic cups. Four coolers dispensed 20 gallons of water. Tabor reports that people seemed a little put off by the change.

This year, the celebration used 25 gallons of Alpine Water and 1500 cups, which are made from recycled material and are themselves recyclable. Alpine threw in the six coolers, no charge.

Tabor said this year she heard more positive comments about the switch. Like independece, it's an idea whose time, it seems, has come.

[Ed. note: This post may only be tangentially food-related, but I can just about guarantee there was drink involved.]

One of the best things about The City Paper/Nashville Post's new sparkly, glossy larger format is that there is more room in the back for the eight pages of legal notices. Nestled among all the foreclosures and substitute trustee notices (yawn) was this little gem.

Apparently a certain "T.R." residing in West Allis, Wisconsin, is petitioning for the termination of parental rights of her little bundle of joy, "M.J.R." The rub is that she's not exactly sure who the father is.

What she is certain of, according to the legal notice, is that the physical description of the alleged parent is, "Caucasian, appearing to be age 18 to 21, blonde or brown hair" and that the details of the conception were sometime in "Mid-August 2008" in "Nashville, TN- house party-address unknown."

So if you're the baby daddy and you vaguely remember "T.R." better than she remembers you, do the right thing and man up about your parental responsibility. For the rest of you all, it is officially house party/cookout/apartment complex kegger hook-up season. Please do your part and drink responsibly and don't forget to wrap your Whopper.

What do you know? It was about food after all.

Crow's Nest offers two kinds of oysters, baked and raw. We were celebrating last week, so we ordered both.

I got to wondering, because "May" has no "r" in it -- will the oysters be worth eating? Worse, will they ruin our party? Because nothing ends a party faster than funky oysters.

Turns out, that whole "R" thing is largely European, and also, that Atlantic and Pacific oysters spawn later than May, usually in late June. Also, because most oysters are farmed, their beds are closely watched, and they can be scooped up right up until the moment the boy oysters catch a whiff of romance.

After that, they're thin and watery, because they put all their calories into luuuurv. All summer, they plump up, and by the time the "r" months arrive, they're ready to be your guest for dinner again.

Since I haven't had any luck finding a real deep-dish pie in Nashville--make that a good deep-dish pie, though I'm all ears if anyone knows of one--I might have to make my own. The thought occurred to Liesl as well at Liesl's Confection Dissection, who's sorted through lots of recipes to find one she likes. She also shares some useful pointers (e.g., roll out the crust pretty thin, so it doesn't bunch up in the creases) along with Kristen Wiltse's pizza-porn photos. Is that a spicy sausage, or are you just glad to see me?

• Not so crazy about big honkin' fist-thick pizza slices? Lindsay and Taylor at Love and Olive Oil have an artichoke heart, olive and goat cheese pie that serves as a healthier (or at least flatter) alternative. The secret, they write, is the crust: "It's crisp, flavorful, and complex. It could practically pass as focaccia, delicious without any toppings at all. Granted, it requires most of the day as far as planning ahead, but the results are well worth it."

• Homemade pizza? Why bother, why Ulika's hit the motherlode: "There was a small hint of sweetness amidst the thickset tomatoes with a little bit of heat left behind. The pepperoni had a pleasantly surprising kick of heat as well in its big, juicy rounds...but the cheese is the highlight of the pie. This cheese is just out of control. It's a parmesan and mozzarella blend that is gooey, creamy, juicy and delicious with some of the highest pull away I've encountered. Mmmmm.... At the end of the day, this was one outstanding slice of pizza (and just $4.35 with a large fountain drink)." Click to find out where, although I'd know that cheese blindfolded. And stick around if you're as hooked as I am on Ulika's weekly BBQ sauce reviews--sounds like they found a winner this week in Redrum Golden BBQ Sauce.

• Thanks to Erin for tipping us to Eat.Drink.Smile, where Beth has a recipe for the "Steeplechase Sangria" her fellow tailgaters (tailgators?) consumed by the gallon. Gotta be the sparkling water (urp). Other recent topics include the allure of floral cocktails, the opening of Zumi Sushi and the Generous Helpings event next week at the Nashville Farmers Market. The best, though, is probably her account of a cooking class at Whole Foods with none other than Zola's Deb Paquette, our 2008 Iron Fork champion.

• Subjects for future study: Mike D'Angelo's addictive daily updates from Cannes on The Onion AV Club site (film coverage); the long-delayed Eataly NYC (mega-grocery); "Most Scary Cakes I Ever Seen" (photos); Criterion's edition of The Friends of Eddie Coyle, with Robert Mitchum (DVD); the quick roasted red pepper dip at Erin Cooks (recipe).

To accompany her recipe for No-Fail Fried Chicken--an item that in my experience might as well be called Statistical Improbability--Rebecca Crump at Ezra Pound Cake has a list of seven tips that'll guide your bird to the Promised Land. "Use tongs. I know, all the cool kids use a fork to turn their chicken, but a fork is a bad idea, because a.) it brings your hand that much closer to hot oil, and b.) it forces you to stab into the meat and lose some of its juices. (See also dry breasts)...." That's Step 6, and the others are just as practical and just as likely to mean the difference between an acceptable meal and something really special. And the cup of Frank's Hot Sauce in the egg dip can only help....

• If not for the vigilance of Food Alla Puttanesca, I would never have learned of perhaps the most wrong-headed protest site ever devised: IHateCilantro.com. "You are visiting the web site of a growing community of cilantro haters. We are, however, rational people," writes some strait-jacketed loon, probably with a crayon nub clenched between chattering teeth. "In fact, we are the most rational people on earth. No normally functioning human being would ever in a lifetime consider cilantro edible." Back away slowly, and pause at KMays' enticing recipe for a cilantro pesto with walnuts and parmesan.

Nicki Wood

That's my semi-legendary, Peppered Five-Vegetable Blue Cheese Slaw there, a slambang result from just a handful of ingredients, which is my kind of cooking.

I've been making it for dinner and for parties for about 15 years. This particular batch we took to our neighbor's birthday potluck, which, since we live in a neighborhood of communal child raising, was like a family affair. So everyone's seen the F-V B C Slaw a couple of times, but they still eat it as if it were the revelation it was the first time.

When you're asked to bring a dish to potluck, do you try something new, work from a repertoire of safe bets, buy something, or bring the same thing every time?

L'Eté du Vin, Nashville's high-profile oenophile cancer charity, is bringing several icons of wine and wine-making to town for its Premiere Vintner's Tasting and Premiere Auction. These are big names even if you're not a serious wine person: Heidi Barrett of La Sirena Winery; Dirk Langford of Beringer Vineyards; Laurent Sarazin of Schramsberg Vineyards; Peter Mondavi, Jr. of Charles Krug Winery; Bo Barrett of Chateau Montelena and Damian Parker of Joseph Phelps Vineyards. Twelve wines from their wineries will be sampled and the tippling moderated by Doug Frost, master of wine and master sommelier, and Gary Vaynerchuk, star of Wine Library TV and Director of Operations at Wine Library in Springfield, NJ. The tasting is April 30 at the Hutton Hotel. Tickets are just $75, which is the equivalent of two pretty good bottles of wine, or two fair bottles of wine in a restaurant.

The Premiere Auction, May 2 at the Opryland Hotel offers the double thrill of top-notch grape squeezin's and an auction. Like pineapple and pizza, auctions and alcohol are two things that should never, ever be allowed to go together, so it should be worth the price of admission to see who springs for the Harley Davidson bike or the Joseph Phelps "Insignia", 2003 and Ridge "Monte Bello" Cabernet Sauvignon, 2001. On the other hand, there should be bargains on trips to Napa, Sonoma and Prague. Proceeds of the event go to organizations that fight cncer or support those living with cancer.

For more information and tickets, go to www.nashvillewineauction.com

I was flattered to be included in the girl blogger coffee morning at Meredith's place. I follow her on her blog, Like Merchant Ships, and am impressed by her unfailing ability to conjure a succinct and relevant post, day after day. And, she has a knack for turning up unbelievable stuff at yard sales, like everything in the photo at left: pretty Vera Bradley and blue toile napkins, silver flatware, silver cups and a woven holder to organize it all so fetchingly. Her whole approach is like this.
Being among the other bloggers was like being at a convention of The Virtues: patience, resourcefulness, grace, loyalty, generosity, wisdom, creativity, diversity, frugality, kindness, entreneurship and organization.

I met Brigid, whose creativity across a range of skills and activities is ridonkulous. And the woman can write. Amy "Milk breath and margaritas" is a full-time working mother of three who still has time to blog. Carrie Bilingual in the Boonies Ferguson, Leisa, Michelle, Malia. There was Becky, whose $50/week grocery budget is an example to us all. There was Jordana, toting her baby in a sling -- I wish we'd made the connection at the time that we're both on the list of 35 people waiting for a particular baking book at the library. Kelly, who not only practices thrift, she shares it by organizing usable, real-life menus. So does Trina.

Everyone (except me) brought a homemade brunch dish.Paige, Ms. Booty homemaker, was running late because her French yogurt cake was slow in baking. It was still warm from the oven and topped with soft, warm lemon glaze, and arrived nicely plated, in perfect condition. Who can resist that? Or, really, any of the good things made with cleverness, affection and generosity?

I said goodbye to a relocating friend at a going-away party last weekend. The party decorations included a stack of the canned goods left in her pantry after she packed up the moving van.

You can see what was left: bottled water, canned tomatoes, canned soups and black beans, the last of which will be familiar to Carrington. So I took a look at my pantry: If I were to move, what would be left behind? Tuna, crabmeat, coconut milk and lots of tomatoes. So check your pantry and report back. Could it be that half the country's tomato crop is languishing in pantries?

I'm not sure it says great things about our society that we're taking our kids to strip malls in the suburbs to teach them to cook. But setting all that aside for a minute, I will say that a kindergarten birthday at Young Chefs Academy is as deliciously adorable as it gets.

Imagine 20 kids, two instructors and a birthday party centered around making pizzas. The parents aren't allowed in the room, but they can sit and watch the festivities. The excitement starts off with a lesson in hand-washing, followed by an explanation of yeast and how to "wake it up." There's a tutorial in kneading dough (Press. Fold. Turn.) and a kitchen-equipment lesson in which the tiny chefs are introduced to whisks, teaspoons and juicers.

It's interactive, educational and efficient, as birthday parties go, and since most multi-generational cooking experiences at my house culminate with a spill, a stain, a clenched jaw and ultimately some takeout, an outing at Young Chefs Academy is brilliant. And the party favor of a bowl scraper was actually useful.

Located in Cool Springs, Young Chefs Academy offers age-appropriate classes, camps, birthday parties and other activities for kids age 3 and up.

Hey, Lee--got any more of that challah you were passing around the office the other day? If so, help a blogger out with a couple of thickish slices for a stab at making Stuffed Caramelized Challah French Toast. The Girl Who Ate Everything downed one of these monsters at Sabrina's Cafe in Philadelphia, but an enterprising glutton could probably MacGyver the cream-cheese filling and try a little home variation. It works so well with cheese steaks, right?

• Fightin' words to Slow Foodies, from Katherine Coble at Just Another Pretty Farce: "Where I think SFM goes off the rails-besides the name, which begs a poop joke-is that it is yet another of these Lefty Plays Po' And Brags On 'Emselves deals that is so freakin' insufferable. I happen to think it is a good thing that we can enjoy tomatoes in November. Free Trade Ends Wars. Free Trade Builds Economies. Tomatoes Are Yummy. I mean, I do see the general upside of not burning the gas and not encouraging what we in this country would consider slave wages. But why is it that the wealthy seem to think it's so cute to play poor?" (Hat tip: Fluffernutter and Kleinheider.)

• Leave it to a Homesick Texan to make me wistful for Austin food with this lime-chipotle black bean recipe. Must be something in the air with all these terrific bean recipes (insert Blazing Saddles joke here). "I reckon you could say it's the grim economy that has me returning to beans so frequently--they are, after all, such a healthy, inexpensive protein," the Texan writes. Cool beans.

• "It's not a dish that shows up frequently on French menus and it's one of my favorite dishes of all time. When it's done right. But pretty much universally--and especially in theoretically 'American' restaurants--it's criminally awful in British restaurants. Anchovies rarely figure in the salad or the dressing. The tomatoes are woody and flavorless. It actually tastes like someone has taken salad cream (i.e. watered down sweet mayonnaise) and added a teaspoon of grated industrial Parmesan per cup of sauce, plopped on some wilted lettuce, added a few dried out bits of bread and the aforementioned tomatoes and--ta-da!" Too Many Chefs, prosecuting the culinary crime of Caesar salad.

• Who's eating where: Eric and Katie of Nashville Restaurants at The Pied Piper Eatery; Christy from Beyond the Fried at Chili's (trying the Guiltless Grill entrees); Joltin' Django at A Man's Gotta Eat flattening Urban Flats and pledging his fealty to the awesome Sir Pizza on Bell Road. Get well soon, Django.

• If I ever find myself alone and hungry in New York, this is what I'm doing.

Here comes Erin's Food Files with the first homemade marshmallow treats that are recognizable as the storebought items they emulate. And not just any items--they're Peeps! With the same spooky artificial yellow that doesn't exist in nature! Props to Erin for outfitting hers with a hawkish beak that should ensure the survival of the species.

• My kids prefer tacos made with Morningstar TVP crumbles over actual ground beef. So Lesley Eats' post on the unexpected delights of the Gardenburger BBQ Riblet raised more than an eyebrow. "The sauce is tasty with just a bit of tang and the ribs themselves had a nice taste," Lesley writes. The problem is that the box makes these look as unnaturally sculpted as a McRib.

• Bibimbap as leftover repository? Genius! A couple of fried eggs, some reheated spinach, a smattering of tofu chunks and MacGyvered gochujang, and Melissa at Strawberry Beret has something that might sate my hunger for Wild Wasabi's fish bibimbap.

• Who's eating where: Nashville Restaurants at Las Cazuelas on Nolensville Road; Lannae's Food and Travel at Al-Rasoul/USA Bakery on Elysian Fields; Nashville Foodies at Sylvan Park; Ulika at Martin's Bar-B-Que Joint and BB's Bar-B-Q in Williamson County. (P.S. Don't forget to vote for Ulika in the Fav BBQ Blog poll.)

• "I am going to possibly pull a Ryan Adams and call this my last blog post about food ever...There are plenty of other 'food bloggers' out there to tow the line, some of them actually good." Say it ain't so, Joy of Cooking.

In an ongoing effort to get to know our readers, Bites wants to ask you a few questions about the video above. Please take a minute to respond to this brief poll/quiz.

1. If you had been dining at Pancake Pantry in early January, would you have identified these patrons as Jonas Brothers?

2. Do you know who Jonas Brothers are?

3. Which of the following entities uses the pronoun "the" before the name:

A. Jonas Brothers
B. Pancake Pantry

4. When was the last time you dined at Pancake Pantry?

5. How long would you stand in line for Jonas Brothers?

6. How long would you stand in line for Pancake Pantry?

Thank you. The results of this poll/quiz will be reviewed to better serve our readers.

• In honor of Nashville getting named America's manliest city by the makers of Combos, the sawed-off pretzel nuggets stuffed with mystery cheese, we pilfered this prepossessing pyramid of pork from Serious Eats. Your mission, Jack and Cleveland Pete, next time you're in the Holy Land of Ohio: hit that Sausage Shoppe.

• Speaking of manly chow, A Man's Gotta Eat holds out hope for a rehabilitation of the disgraced Shoney's brand. Why disgraced? Obviously you haven't eaten there in the past five years. But Joltin' Django had a burger that suggests the Big Boy is back. Dare to dream.

• "I have eaten pizza from the gas station. I've had it at high school basketball games, Chinese buffets, and microwaved it from hotel vending machines. I've eaten every variety of frozen pizza...but I have NEVER had pizza this bad and it can all be blamed on the sauce. I just can't say enough about how hideously unbearable and inedible it was." Where was this cowpie? Follow the fumes to Ulika, which has the grisly details on a Nolensville Road-area crime against topped dough. (Note to Ulika: Mrs. Pink is in total agreement.)

• "If you always wondered what would happen if a Nestle Chunky bar with raisins was rescued from life on the streets by Richard Gere, now you know." Meet the Chocolate Armagnac Cake, courtesy of Ezra Pound Cake. Careful, it has prunes.

• Finally, a note of political caution: If you're the president of the United States, don't ever let people think you might serve some kind of fruity French cuisine. Remember, it happened to Martin Van Buren.

I have not read The Secret, but I've inferred from all the Oprah-induced hoopla that the gist of the blockbuster self-help book is this: Behave as if your desired outcomes have already come true, and they will. In other--overly simplified--words, if you wanna get married, act married. Wanna be successful, act successful. At least that's how I see people interpreting it.

In my own way, I too practice bending the universe to my will: Every morning when I turn the corner into the new Hill Place shopping center, I say to myself, "There will be an open parallel parking spot by the front door of Whole Foods, and I will go in and get hot chocolate." Often it works, and when it doesn't, I drive straight to the office, feeling like a failed Avatar.

Here's my dirty little secret: When I do get that parking spot, I don't put money in the voluntary parking meter. I used to, but then I ran out of change, and I noticed I was the only one doing it in the first place. I felt like I was being guilted into a nebulous change-bilking scheme when I didn't know where the money was going. So I've just sort of stopped. Does anyone else feel that way, or do you put money in the meter?

More importantly, do you find that it helps your karma? Like, do you usually get one of those good parking spots? Is that the secret?

Not since "Win Ben Stein's Money" wrapped on Comedy Central have I seen such deliciously corny word play as at the gelato counter at the Green Hills Whole Foods. Gelatoristas (why not?) Jacob Dowden, Emily Daniels, Victoria Loy and BK Nunnally recently concocted a batch of new frozen recipes, including a fruity-nutty confection known as Nuts about Stephen Col-pear, named for the wry talk show host, who is a favorite of the gelato team and the crew from the nearby cake counter.

Whole Foods' gelatos are made from a standard base and blended with whatever flavor combinations the team dreams up. There are currently about 50 varieties that rotate through the freezer case, which is located just inside the front door of the Hill Center store. The team is constantly looking for fresh ideas, and they welcome suggestions, so here's your chance to invent an ice cream after getting dissed so many times by those elitist tree-huggers Ben & Jerry.

Whole Foods' newest flavors include brownies-and-cream cheese, chocolate macaroon and a very tasty but blandly named ginger and crème. The flavors are interesting enough, especially the gingerbread gelato, but surely the Bites crew could come up with some jazzier titles. Any ideas?

For a couple of weeks now, local cinephiles have been batting around a goofy puzzle located on the M&Ms home page. Not sure why it's getting the interest all of a sudden--it seems to date back to 2006--but it's every bit as habit-forming as the candies it promotes.

The gameboard is a minutely detailed landscape painting: the details form visual puns for the titles of 50 dark films, which a prompter invites you to guess. The oeuvres of Cronenberg, De Palma, Hitchcock, Lynch and Shyamalan are well represented. At least two had me tearing out my hair for a half-hour until Mrs. Pink deduced the (head-smackingly obvious) answer. I finished in about three hours, minus the time it took to watch Slumdog Millionaire.

Don't say I didn't warn you. And if you get fed up, you can always cheat. Hat tip: Jonathan Malcolm Lampley.

I recently dined in a restaurant that made a lovely visual impression, but the dreary music creeping across the room--an über-depressing electronica that might best be described as Synth-Dirge--made me want to put my face in my plate and cry.

I'll be the first to admit that my music palate is unsophisticated. (Just ask Scene music maven Tracy Moore how my forehead scrunches up when she talks about Emo and Death-Core.) I'd be happy if every restaurant played a happy loop of Frank Sinatra singing Cole Porter songs, with a little Miles Davis thrown in--unless of course it's the kind of friendly low place that calls for beer-soaked country songs.

Especially these days, I want all the cheery, treacly songs I can find, tunes that put a spring my step in this winter of discontent. I was thinking about giving the restaurant in question my old When Harry Met Sally CD? Or maybe suggesting they follow Obama's musical prescription: "Pick Yourself Up" from Swing Time makes great dinner music. Nat King Cole, Frank Sinatra and Diana Krall all sing it beautifully. Any version will do.

What's on your ideal restaurant play list?