Do Me a Flavor
I must have been blinded by hunger while shopping for groceries today, because I mistakenly picked up a bag of cherry-flavored Craisins in lieu of the regular dried cranberries.
I'm sorry? Cherry-flavored dried cranberries? What's wrong with cranberry-flavored cranberries? Sure, I understood when Sunsweet started spritzing prunes with essence of lemon. Prunes are brown and drab, and they had become the perennial butt of constipation jokes. They clearly have an image problem, so if a little dab of citrus and a splash of yellow on the packaging helps eliminate the laxative stigma, I say spritz away. Or change your name to dried plums. Whatever works for you.
But cranberries, what have you got to be embarrassed about? Sure, there's the slightly delicate business about being good for yeast infections. But it's not like you've become synonymous with all things vaginal. And if you had, do you really think adding a cherry on the package helps matters? The extra flavor just gives you a slight hint of desperation—and cough syrup.
In the craven world of brand extensions, what's next? Orange-flavored grapefruit? Sprite-flavored Coke? Lettuce-flavored salad?
And so, Bites readers, I pose the question to you. Your next challenge in the quest for free Iron Fork tickets is to come up with the most absurdly redundant flavor layering.
And don't try saying bacon-flavored bacon. That would be just plain ridiculous.
Comments
I could really go for some chicken-flavored eggs right now. It's like a family reunion on your plate!
Ticket me?
Posted 04/24/2008 at 04:41:12 PMIt's already on the market: Grapples...
Posted 04/24/2008 at 05:05:01 PMC, Check out this link. I would say the Ranch Dressing ranks up there as the craziest flavor. What all would you possibly want to flavor ranch dressing with? I mean, I guess setting out a tray of carrots with the spray would be a lot easier then opening up the tub of dip! http://www.flavor-spray.com/flavor_sprays_flavors.html Please let me know if you try any
Posted 04/24/2008 at 06:34:12 PMReminds me of something that made my jaw drop in the vending machine yesterday: Cherry-flavored M&M's. Horrible. I've never craved Skittles and M&M's at the same time.
Not that I raid the vending machine at work. ::cough::
Posted 04/24/2008 at 09:00:55 PMPogo is right--those grapples are the dumbest things ever. HOWEVER, I have a package of the orange flavored Craisins in my desk at work right now. I love them. I love just about anything orange flavored. Even St. Joseph's baby aspirin. But I don't actually eat oranges.
A product I'd actually buy? Tomato-flavored tomatoes. Anything would be an improvement to those flavorless orbs of pink flesh that groceries sell as tomatoes. I only buy them when I can't get them locally-grown. And I regret it every time.
What about live catfish-flavored live catfish? Do I win now????
Posted 04/25/2008 at 06:53:27 AMPork belly-flavored pig rectum. You get the fatty flavor and the chewy texture! It's the best of both worlds!
Posted 04/25/2008 at 09:20:46 AMPork belly-flavored pig rectum. You get the fatty flavor and the chewy texture! It's the best of both worlds!
Posted 04/25/2008 at 09:21:58 AMmolly - that is freakin hilarious... x 2
Posted 04/25/2008 at 09:49:40 AMDiana, I had a similarly horrible "brand extension" experience with "ice cream" flavored skittles purchased by my daughter. Sharp and tangy and fruity as the originals, but with some weird flavor additive that wasn't remotely ice-cream-like and in pastel colors.
You couldn't make up a weirder flavor profile than those seafood-flavored Japanese snacks. It's as if someone said, "You know, chips and crackers are way too delicious, so if we sprinkle fish powder on them, that'd be good."
Posted 04/25/2008 at 10:06:28 AMcherry-flavored dried cranberries are delicious. Carrington - bring your bag over to production if you aren't going to eat them. The orange-flavored ones are also really good. Especially on salads.
Posted 04/29/2008 at 11:41:53 AMI'm just saying. Maybe cranberries could stand to step it up.
I'm keeping them in my medicine drawer for the next time I get a sore throat or cough.
Posted 04/29/2008 at 11:46:25 AM