Krystal Corporate Memo Part II: PR Chimes In
I just got an email from Brian, who handles public relations for Krystal. Apparently, Brian and the PR machine at the mothership of burger-scented food squares stumbled across my recent ode to the Krystal MilkQuake. He wanted to make sure I knew about the upcoming Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup and banana-split MilkQuakes, and to introduce me to the Krystal Freeze.
Made with pure cane sugar in lieu of high-fructose corn syrup, the 20-oz. non-dairy slush beverage is flavored with Monin syrups, the familiar gem-colored elixirs often found in coffee shops. The $1.79 Freeze comes in orange, cherry, green apple, grape, pomegranate, blueberry and Coke.
Usually, I reflexively delete this kind of non-local corporate propaganda. (I’m talking to you marketing woman from Cabot Cheese. And, oy, you over at He’Brew Beer? You drove me meshugana about taste-testing that shipment of Jewbelation Eleven, which then never arrived. Never again.)
But despite its Chattanooga origins, that MilkQuake is so good I gotta expect great things from its slushy cousin. (And frankly, who doesn’t have a slushy cousin from Chattanooga?) Furthermore, given my recent love affair with vocabulary website freerice.com, Brian won me over with this tidbit from the advance copy of the Freeze press release:
“The company is launching an online campaign that offers helpful tips on coping with sphenopalatineganglioneuralgia, the condition commonly referred to as brain freeze.”
Among those helpful tips, he lists pressing your tongue to the roof of your mouth; drinking a glass of warm water at the first sign of brain freeze; creating a mask with your hands and placing it over your mouth and nose while breathing rapidly; and laying your head to the side.
I can’t help but wonder how the customer service professionals at my local Krystal (the corner of Crestmoor and Hillsboro Road) will respond if I ask for a Coke Freeze and a glass of warm water. Or what the arresting officer will say when I explain that I lost control because I was hyperventilating into my hand-mask to alleviate sphenopalatineganglioneuralgia.
But if you’re met with interesting reactions in such Freeze-related situations, I bet Brian and the boys over at Krystal’s blog would enjoy reading about them. Meanwhile, I’m on my way to track down a Freeze. As always, if you find one before me, report back on Bites.
Comments
ha ha!! What's next? Displays using technical art like you find in the back of the seat in front of you on the aeroplane? Uh huh huh, eh, hmmm.
Posted 03/21/2008 at 03:31:40 PMNo HFCS...nice touch. You probably won't even find that at Starbucks!
Posted 03/21/2008 at 06:49:51 PMSonic, watch your back.
Posted 03/21/2008 at 06:55:19 PMPut something ice-cold in the crook of your elbow. Works instantly. For the symbiopsychotaxiplasm or whatever it's called.
Posted 03/21/2008 at 07:23:51 PMPomegranate? Pomegranate?!? What's next—snowflake-shaped burgers?
Posted 03/25/2008 at 09:25:28 AMI was in line at a fast food "treat" outlet of similar ilk, and who is also attempting to capitalize on the phenomenon that is pomegranate (thanks, Oprah!) Anyway, I'm waiting to order and I see a box of something on the counter that says "Pome"-something. I look more closely (having noticed the Pomegranate "promo-bev" on the menu board...and make out the brand name "Vitality". You know, THAT Vitality...the one that provides us with delicious orange, cranberry, grape, etc. from-concentrate juice machines enjoyed in college cafeterias and at chain-hotel continental breakfasts across the country. Another closer look reveals the product's name...I don't remember it exactly...but it was something dangerously close to "POMO-GRAN-ISH Juice Cocktail"...
I wish I could have gotten close enough to see what percent juice it was...5% or zero!
Posted 03/26/2008 at 10:41:18 AMSo I'm a little embarrassed to be the one to report on this...but I work nights and live in West Nashville...so my options are limited OK?!?
I was hoping to be able to deliver a mini-review of the new Krystal Freeze (in my favorite super-fruit flavor, pomegranate. I'm sad to report, however, thanks to the car in front of me who must have ordered 1 of each flavor...the Freezes were summarily '86ed and I was forced to wash the food items that I may or may not have ordered from there down with something else.
I did also want to check in with a MilkQuake(TM) update...it appears that the current promo flavors are Chocolate-Covered Cherry and Java Cream, in addition to the standard chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry.
Remember, hold the industrial-strength Cool Whip... =)
Posted 03/26/2008 at 11:35:42 PMadam - in a world there where there is a place for nearly all foodstuffs, that aforementioned industrial strength cool whip that coats the roof of your mouth? never...
that and chicken mcnuggets
Posted 03/27/2008 at 12:29:20 AMClaudia, I distinctly remember literally SCRAPING that stuff off the roof of my mouth the first time I had one. [PLACES TONGUE EVER-SO-SLIGHTLY IN CHEEK, CUE FLASHBACK CHIMES...] It was an odd afternoon, last fall. I was living in Indiana at the time (no Krystals up there) and was visiting Atlanta. So ashamed I was at being hungry for Krystal -- in Atlanta of all places, where variety abounds! Such low expectations I had for a milkshake from the White Castle Of The South, and yet how tasty it was! How brilliant of them, and yet how stupid to put a dollop of Crisco on top!!?! It's an easy fix [just '86 it!] but...these are the same people using pure cane syrup in their new line of freezes?? Perplexing!
Now as far as Chicken McNuggets go...I told Carrington yesterday that her revelation in this week's column of having a "Shoney's-bred" palate meant that there is hope for me yet! I have no doubt that the McNugget is one of the most frightening engineered foods of all time...and yet, I was raised on them. It would be like turning one's back on Kraft Macaroni & Cheese. Would I rather have Willy Thomas' Green Chili Mac & Cheese from Park Cafe, bubbly-hot from the oven, topped with panko breadcrumbs? OF COURSE! But still, once a year or so...in the privacy of of my own home...I must regress to MY McDonald's-bred palate and rip open that pouch of Day-Glo orange cheese powder...
Palates change, though. Ply me with some of this bacon ice cream and pig candy of which you speak, and maybe the two potential new favorites will knock McNuggets and Kraft Mac & Cheese off the bottom of the "list"...much like my trademarked Phone Number Remembering theory:
(YOUR AGE - 25)/2.5 = X (ROUND UP TO THE NEXT WHOLE NUMBER)
X = The number of phone numbers one must forget in order to remember a new one!
=D
Posted 03/27/2008 at 08:49:29 AMI like that industrial-grade whipped whatsit. I like the way it coats your mouth and turns your Quake the consistency of pudding. But pomegranate is where I draw the line. Colbert has bears; I have pomegranate. Pomegranate is far more insidious.
Posted 03/27/2008 at 09:15:45 AMpink - ewwwwwwww ??? say it ain't sooooooo... you can't like that. you can't. it's so - ungoodfoodlike.
adam - i'm all about the boxed mac and cheese once a year - but i go for annie's brand - white cheesey powder. but the mcnuggets? too scary. i saw the movie, read the book, got the tee-shirt, etc. i just can not go there.
Posted 03/27/2008 at 09:45:16 AMYeah, I saw the movie, too...wasn't it bizarre how the fries NEVER grew any mold...like for 6 months??
Posted 03/27/2008 at 10:18:57 AM